The Way to Wonder
by A-Downtonluvr-To-Me
Summary: Modern A/U: Bates and Anna's journey through the difficulties of infertility.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****: **Hello from Downtonluvr and A-Lady-To-Me, long time writing partners in crime who are only just now going public ;) We have been helping each other with our stories for so long that when this idea came about out of a one-shot I (Lady) wrote for Dowtonluvr's birthday, it only seemed fitting that we write it together. So here we are. A journey through Anna and Bates dealing with the struggles of infertility in a modern setting.

We hope you enjoy this short fic. It's nearly completed so we will be able to post a chapter per day! We want to give a special thank you shout-out to Terriejane for her superb editing skills, and to ihelleberry for her invaluable advice! Thank you both so much! :)

Enjoy guys, and please review! xoxo

**Disclaimer:** We own nothing, otherwise this would be the source and extent of the drama for our beloved Banna this series.

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><p>Anna Bates stared blankly across the almost empty train car as she rode home from what felt like the longest day of her life. She'd punctuated an extremely busy day of work with a less than enjoyable doctor's appointment. It had only been a yearly checkup, which is why her husband, John, had not attended with her. However, she had expressed some concerns while she was there. She and John had been married, blissfully, for nearly a year. Anna had never been happier in her life than she was with John. He was the love and the light of her life. The thought of being married to him was enough to bring a smile to her face, but that quickly faded when she thought of what else could make things more perfect...what didn't seem to be happening for them.<p>

Anna wanted nothing more than to give John a baby. To have their child, and raise him or her together. They knew they both wanted children, and the fact was they never really did anything to prevent pregnancy, both of them agreeing that what was meant to be would happen. However, after a year of being very happily married they still had nothing to show for it. Anna had expressed her concerns to Dr. Clarkson, but he simply told her that sometimes it took a little longer than it did for others.

"_The key is to relax Anna. Stressing yourself out will not help the matter. You know what I say to couples who tell me they are trying to get pregnant? Stop trying." _Dr. Clarkson had laughed, and patted her knee after that. Leaving Anna less than reassured. But then...perhaps Dr. Clarkson was right. Maybe she was stressing herself out too much, and preventing nature from taking it's course. Anna made a vow to herself on that train that she would let her worry go, and just relax. If nothing else...it certainly was fun trying. She giggled to herself and began to formulate a plan.

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><p>John walked into the house and was immediately struck by the lovely smell of something cooking. Anna must have arrived home early. He dropped his coat and briefcase by the door and walked through to their kitchen to find his wife standing at the stove, stirring and humming. Her hips swaying to the rhythm of her own voice. She was mesmerizing, and he took the moment unnoticed to stand back and admire her. He had no idea what he had ever done to deserve someone as amazingly kind and stunning as his Anna. And on top of that to have her agree to become his wife? She was the greatest gift of his life.<p>

Anna turned then and saw him, and the smile that lit up her face only confirmed what he had been thinking before.

"Welcome home, love." She sang as she danced across the kitchen towards him. Her arms came around his neck and his settled on her waist.

"Why thank you, Mrs. Bates. You seem to have had a good day today. How was your check up?" John kissed her firmly.

She hesitated only briefly before answering him. "My check up went fine, nothing to report. The rest of my day was wretched...but coming home to you makes it all disappear." Anna kissed him again, then turned back to the stove.

John took note that she'd had a bad day, but didn't want to disturb her cheery mood with questions. He couldn't stand to be away from her, so he sidled up behind her and held her close as she stirred.

"What are you making? It smells amazing." he asked as he kissed her neck.

"Chicken Marsala. It sounded good so I picked up the stuff on the way home."

"Wonderful choice, shall I set the table?" John pulled himself away from her to make his way towards the cupboards.

"No need, it's already done," she smiled at him. John looked around the corner to their dining room and saw that she certainly had outdone herself tonight. The lights were dimmed, and the table was lit with candles. The wine was already uncorked and ready to be poured. John froze on the spot. Had he missed something? An anniversary...no he felt sure he had all of those memorized. And it couldn't be either of their birthdays. He turned back towards Anna who was beginning to plate their meal.

"Love, not that this isn't lovely, but...have I missed something? Is it a special occasion?"

Anna finished her task, and turned towards him. "No, I just wanted to do something special for my man. Can't a wife treat her husband every now and then?" John did not miss the seductive tone her voice held, and he felt himself immediately responding to it.

"Well I suppose so," he responded. Suddenly John felt perfectly fine with forgetting dinner altogether and carrying this amazing women into their bedroom. The closer Anna got to him the more enticing the thought became; she was so close in fact that he could feel her breath begin to mingle with his own. Her lips ghosted over his, before she smiled and whispered, "It's time to eat." Then pranced off back towards the stove. She looked back at him mischieviously and laughed when she saw the dumbstruck look on his face. He recovered as she handed him his plate to carry to the dining room.

"Oh you'll pay for that one, Mrs. Bates, mark my words."

"I'm looking forward to it." She winked, and he followed her gladly.

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><p>The room was hot, and filled with the scent of them. The sounds of their cries of ecstasy still echoed in the air around them. John panted as he collapsed on his stomach, half on top of her and half on the bed. His arm was draped across her bare stomach, and Anna held onto it for dear life; still shaking from the ride of pleasure he'd sent her on.<p>

John pulled himself up enough to trail kisses up the side of her neck and towards her lips. They kissed each other with so much tenderness and love that it nearly brought tears to Anna's eyes.

"Christ, Anna," he breathed, "over a year of being with you like this, and it's just as amazing every time as it was the first time."

His words were meant to be romantic, she knew, but something about the way he said them took Anna back to the train of thought she'd been on when she was on her way home.

_Over a year. _Suddenly the stress became too much to bear, and the tears began to well up in her eyes. She tried desperately to fight them off, not wanting to alarm her sated husband, but it was no use. His eyes had been closed until the sound of her quiet sobs filled the room. John shot up in alarm, tightening his hold around her and pulling her close.

"Anna, why are you crying? What's the matter, love? Did I hurt you?"

Anna immediately began to shake her head no. She tried to speak, but her words were washed away by tears. John didn't hesitate to pull her into his embrace, and she cried into his chest for what felt like hours. The sudden grief consuming her as he whispered words of comfort into her hair.

When she finally felt herself begin to calm down she knew she owed her poor husband an explanation. She pushed herself back from him, and his eyes were just as concerned and worried as she knew they'd be. Anna sighed, and closed her eyes as he wiped the last of her tears away with his thumb.

"Are you ready to tell me what's wrong, my darling?"

She nodded, but she found that she couldn't make eye contact with him when she finally told him her deepest fear. "I'm scared," she whispered.

"Scared of what?" His voice was gentle and patient.

"Scared that...that we'll never...that I'll never be able to give you a baby."

"A baby? Love, we've barely even talked about having a baby, much less tried to get pregnant. Why are you scared?"

"We haven't been preventing it though, have we? We've been married for a year, and together longer than that." Anna felt herself getting angry, and tried to reign in her emotions. "People get pregnant at the drop of a hat, John. I feel like it should have happened for us by now." Her voice was low, and she still hadn't looked him in the eye. But she had to when she felt his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her gaze to him. When she finally looked at him she remarkably felt some of her fear leave her….John just had that power over her. He could always make her feel better simply by looking into her soul. It was one of the many reasons why she'd fallen in love with him.

John kissed her lips gently, before meeting her gaze again and running his hand soothingly along her cheek. "You had your doctor's appointment today. Did you ask him about it?"

"I did," Anna blushed with embarrassment, hoping that he wouldn't mind that she hadn't told John her worries before now. But he didn't seem to be upset with her so she continued on. "He told me to relax, and let things happen in their own time."

"There, you see? He wouldn't have told you that if he thought there was something to worry about. So let's just relax, and really start trying. See what happens." John smiled, and ran his finger along her hairline. "Don't worry Anna, we'll have a baby."

His words were so tender and sweet, she couldn't help but believe him. Her worries melted away from her as he pulled her even closer to his body so that they lined up perfectly. Anna felt herself responding to him….again. God, would she ever not want this man? Her remarkable husband. She couldn't help but smile back at him. "God knows we sure do have fun trying….don't we darling?"

He began to kiss a trail along her cheek and down her neck towards her collarbone. "Mmmm, that we do, Mr. Bates...that we do."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews on Chapter 1. While this isn't the fluff we are usually known for we promise it won't be all doom and gloom. So bear with us. Like all Banna stories, they have to experience some obstacles before they reach their happy ending. Reviews are always appreciated; they are a writer's bread and butter after all. And we really like bread.**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch. 1**_

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><p>"Anna!" John called out as he walked into their home. He had seen Anna's car in the driveway and she wasn't usually home this early. "Love. Where are you?" John called out in a somewhat playful tone. Perhaps she had come home early to put together some surprise for him. John could already smell the scent of lasagna baking in the over. He poked his head in the kitchen but couldn't find her. "Darling?" John asked with more concern in his voice. He made his way back to their bedroom and could hear the sound of Anna crying, when he tried to open the door it was locked. "Anna," John called out in a panic. When she didn't respond he was ready to bust the door down but then he heard the click of the lock and the door creaked open. He walked in slowly and saw that her eyes were puffy and red, the tear stains were still fresh on her cheeks. "Anna, are you alright?" he asked. John really wasn't sure what had happened or what the problem was, but something had clearly upset her.<p>

"It came again," she sighed in defeat. Anna stared back at the underwear she had left to soak in the sink because the dreaded red stain had shown up once again to taunt her. "I started my period." Anna sat on the edge of the tub unable to look him in the eyes, she felt like such a failure. How had she allowed herself to get her hopes up again? She had been counting down the days on the calendar, dreading them even. Every time she thought she felt sick she had convinced herself that maybe this time it was caused by something more. She let her face fall into her hands and cried her heart out.

"Oh love," John said as he crouched down in front of her. He removed Anna's hands from her face, "It's alright. We'll keep trying."

"We've been trying, John. It's not working. Something must be wrong with me," she snapped. She hadn't meant to sound so harsh but the frustration of being unable to bear his child, their child, was slowly wearing on her.

John half chuckled, "Sweetheart, for all we know it's something wrong with me. We really haven't been trying that long."

"A year and a half now, John," she stated solemnly.

"Really?" he asked. John hadn't meant to sound like he didn't care, but he really hadn't noticed how quickly the time had gone by. It seemed like just yesterday they had gone on their honeymoon, but the more he thought about it he realized they really had been trying that long. Longer if one counted the few times they had sex in the months leading up to the wedding without any protection. John just couldn't fathom why two relatively young people that were healthy couldn't seem to get pregnant the old fashioned way.

"Yup, twelve more days and it will have been eighteen months since we married," Anna replied.

John wiped away her tears and handed her a tissue from the dispenser by the sink. He pulled her closer and squeezed her as tightly as he could as he pressed kiss after kiss into her hair. "My darling, we will have a baby. One way or another. I don't care if I have to buy one off the black market," he said in an attempt to make her smile. She did as she wiped away her tears and John felt a small leap of joy in his chest knowing he had been able to do that. "You are a good person, Anna May Bates. There's no one else on this earth that would make a better mother than you. You have so much love to give and I can't wait to watch you share it with our son or daughter and impart your wisdom to them. And hopefully your looks too, because I feel sorry for the little mite if they end up looking like me." She chuckled slightly and pulled back to wipe the tears she had smudged on his dress shirt. "I love you more than I did yesterday and I'll love you even more tomorrow. And whenever we have a baby I know that will be the stiffest competition for my heart. Because I can't imagine loving anyone more than you."

Anna shook her head in awe. Sometimes her husband knew just what to say and could build her up like no other when she was feeling sorry for herself. "How did I end up married to someone like you?" she asked.

"Just lucky I guess," he replied with a half smile. "Now promise me no more tears tonight. It breaks my heart to see you in pain."

She nodded her head silently in agreement and John kissed her forehead once more before she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

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><p>That night John woke up from a horrible nightmare. He'd never had one quite so real in all his life; truth be told since he'd met Anna he'd never slept more soundly. In his dream Anna was crying hysterically beside an empty crib and he couldn't get her to stop or find a way to bring her back to him. It scared him and made him wonder if he could ever keep Anna truly happy if they never had children. When John rolled over to hold Anna closer to him he realized she wasn't sleeping in their bed. In fact her side of the bed was cold like she had been gone for hours. John promptly hopped out of bed and walked out to the kitchen to see if he could find her nursing a cup of tea. Sure enough she was sitting in the recliner by the window with the glow of the laptop cast upon her face in the darkness. She hadn't heard him, or if she did, Anna gave no indication of it. "What are you doing up so late?" he asked in a gruff voice. John rubbed at his eyes tiredly as he tried to adjust to the bright illumination from the screen.<p>

Anna quickly shut the cover of the laptop. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized.

"You didn't, I had a bad dream. Then I couldn't find you when I woke up. I don't know which was worse," John said with an exasperated sigh as he sat beside her. "What were you looking at?" John asked innocently.

"Nothing," she said. But the moment the words left her mouth she regretted it. John had always been able to read her like a book and she knew he would know she was lying the moment she spoke.

John slowly opened the lid and saw all kinds of medical related searches and sites up on the screen. He squinted without his reading glasses but he was able to make out the headlines in bold print, "Having trouble conceiving?", "Problems Getting Pregnant and Possible Causes", and "Getting Pregnant: Easy Ways to Encourage Fertility". John's eyes widened and he looked back at Anna. "Anna...this...this is not nothing," he said sounding furious as he rose from the chair.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"For what? For keeping this fear from me? Or for making light of it and saying it was nothing?" John said as he paced the living room with his hands on his hips.

"I didn't keep it from you," Anna said with a little more courage. "I told you months ago I was worried," she said.

"Not like this. I didn't realize it had reached this magnitude," he said. "That moment we shared earlier in the bathroom. I thought I had been able to reassure you, only to find out that now you are going off to find answers on your own. I don't want to be left in the dark." He ran his hands up and down his face before pushing his hair back and out of his eyeline. "I want to have a baby, love. I really do. And I want it to be with you. But to see this, I feel like our love making is just becoming something on your 'to do' list. I want to feel like we're both enjoying ourselves; it shouldn't be work."

He genuinely sounded hurt and she hadn't meant to make him feel that way. Somehow 'sorry' just didn't seem like enough. Anna wouldn't apologize for being upset and she wouldn't apologize for doing everything in her power to ensure they had a baby. But she didn't mean to leave him out; that wasn't them. They had always been a united front. So why was this time so different?

"Have I not made you happy?" John asked almost dreading the answer that may follow.

"What?"

"I just need to know if our whole marriage is going to hinge on this. I will do whatever you want to try and make this happen love. But I need some reassurance that if this doesn't happen for us that you'll still be happy with what we have." John noticed the way his words had stung her but the thought had been rattling around his brain throughout dinner.

"John Bates... of course I love you. And there is no way to measure my love for you because it is infinite. You can't begrudge me the desire to want to carry and have a child that is a little piece of you."

"I would never..." John began to speak but Anna rose from the chair and silenced him with her fingertip.

"I know you wouldn't. I'm just thinking out loud. I know we agreed before to just let things happen on their own...let nature take it's course. But John neither of us is getting any younger. I think we need to start actively trying and if it's still not working..." Her voice trailed off. Anna couldn't even say the words.

"If it's not working we can talk to a specialist and get a better handle on this," John offered up. "But at the end of the day I will love you just the same."

"I'm sorry I didn't confide in you. We should have been doing this together," Anna spoke into his chest as she hugged him. She could hear his heart beating and the slow pace calmed her down, so much so that Anna suddenly felt very tired. Having carried this burden around with her for months, she now felt like she was sharing some of the load with her husband. It didn't make the problem go away, but she certainly felt better after having spoken to him. Anna felt her muscles begin to slacken as he ran a hand through her hair and massaged her back.

"It's alright sweetheart. We're going to be okay. I'm not mad at you. I'm only sorry I can't do more to make you feel better," John said. He held her there in the darkness of their living room for as long as she needed him to before he got her to shut off the laptop and agree to come to bed.

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><p>John came home the next day after a game of football with the boys to find Anna cooped up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her laptop open. He snuck up on her behind the couch and pressed a kiss to her head but she barely acknowledged him. John noticed she had her reading glasses on so it must have been important, whatever it was. He removed his jersey and left his white undershirt on. "You seem very involved in what you are looking at," John commented as he took a swig of water from his water bottle. He would have inquired further but then he took noticed of the rest of the room. There were pamphlets, books, and calendars all about how to improve one's chances of getting pregnant or increasing fertility spread out across the couch and coffee table.<p>

Anna stopped long enough to look up at her husband who was sweating through his shirt, his knees covered in dry patches of dirt and slightly scuffed from a tumble. "I was going to wait until you showered. I want us to discuss this seriously, together," she emphasized.

"Alright," John said. "I'll just be a moment."

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><p>When he returned from his shower Anna had a plate of food ready for them to share. A half sandwich for each of them and a side of diced up fruit paired with a pitcher of ice tea to share. "This is quite a spread," John commented.<p>

"Thank you," Anna replied. "How did the game go? I meant to ask but I was sort of wrapped up in what I was working on."

"It's alright Tom and I didn't beat Matthew and Robert too badly. Just a game between friends," John answered back as he ran a hand through his wet hair. Anna set two empty glasses down in front of them and he quickly set to pouring the tea for each of them. Even though John was sure he knew the answer he asked anyway out of habit, "How about you? How was your morning?"

Anna had been staring down at one of the pamphlets and was so engrossed in her reading she hadn't even heard the question. "Hmmm?"

"How was your morning of research?" John asked with a cheerful lilt to his voice. He was trying to remain optimistic. It was a foreign concept to him, since it was usually his Anna that was the sunshine to his gloomy rain cloud of a personality. But where his wife could not take up arms, John quickly filled in with reinforcements.

"Well, I see room for improvements," she said rather methodically. "Who knew it was so hard to have a baby? People seem to be having them left and right. Mary and Matthew already have George and they've barely been married two years. Tom and Sybil are on their second now, with only a few months gap between the two," Anna replied.

"Everything happens in it's own time," John replied back as he rubbed her shoulders. His wife didn't seem to pleased with the credo that John had taken on. "So what are these improvements we need to make?" he asked before biting into his sandwich.

Anna did some math on her fingers and began marking a calendar in front of her. "We'll both need to cut back on the occasional glass of wine," Anna said.

"Done," John answered back after he swallowed the bite that was in his mouth. "Never much cared for the stuff," John fibbed. "And what are we doing here with the calendar?"

"I have to start tracking my cycle to find out what days I'm ovulating," she explained.

"Can we only have sex on the days you are ovulating?"

"No, but we should be making a point to have sex on those days without fail," Anna replied. "I need to buy a home fertility kit for the both of us to find out what my egg quality and quantity is like."

"Both?"

"Yes, you'll need to take a test to check your...erm," she blushed at the comment and gazed down towards his lower region, "sperm concentricity."

"Christ. Is it that serious already?"

"Well at more than a year, yes. I'd say we have entered territory for serious concern, John."

John could only shrug and agree. He knew better than to go against his wife when she was passionate about something. "Whatever you say dear." John didn't mind having sex with his wife. In fact he rather enjoyed the idea of having guaranteed days when they would be intimate. But how intimate could one get when they were being so scientific about everything now?

"No more trips to the sauna at the gym or the hot tub," Anna added.

"I think I can manage that. Though you may need to rub my leg when it begins to seize up," John commented.

"Let's see, we don't smoke so that shouldn't be an issue," Anna said. "And you already wear boxers so no worries about the brief situation."

John nodded in agreement as he took another bite from his sandwich and craned his neck to read over her shoulder. He nearly spit out his mouthful of food as he read ahead, "Is that supposed to be a list of foods we can't eat?"

"Yes, both of us. In fact, I have to cut back on my caffeine intake on top of all the stuff you have to cut back on," she said.

John bit back the opportunity to groan in protest. He knew how much this meant to her; to both of them. "Anything else, love?" John asked as sweetly as he could.

Anna blushed at his inquiry, but was giddy to see what his response would be. "Well according to this we should be trying _more_ often."

"More often than now?" he asked with eager fascination.

"Not necessarily more than once in a day, but every day wouldn't hurt," she replied with a raised eyebrow.

For the first time that day she smiled and looked genuinely happy. "Well, I'm all for this improvement," John replied with a wicked grin. "Maybe we can start working on that one first," John observed as he began kissing her neck.

"John..." Anna began to protest. But the way her breath caught in her throat said otherwise. John's fingers ran up and down her arms before he began to undo the buttons on her blouse. "You're not taking this seriously."

"Oh but I am," John responded as he let her hair down. "See it says it right there on the list 'no stress' and 'more sex'. We're killing two birds with one stone," he whispered into her ear. John nibbled on her earlobe before leaving a trail of blistering kisses along her collarbone.

Anna could feel her body responding, but was trying to stay committed to the task at hand. "John."

"Anna," John said as he brushed the pamphlets and books aside on the coffee table. He picked the laptop up and set it down before lifting Anna up in his arms. "John! What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to make a baby," he encouraged with a hearty laugh before capturing her mouth once more with his own.

"You've lost your damn mind," she chided him playfully.

"I'll be sure to tell our child those are the words you said the day we conceived them," he teased.

"Don't you dare," Anna shot back.

It hadn't taken any more convincing that that. While John may have been the instigator, Anna was just as eager of a partner and was more than willing to reciprocate. The two of them had fallen into one anothers embrace and explored each others bodies with their hands and mouths. Their drive being fueled both by their love for one another but also a desire to fulfill their need to start a family.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews so far. Please keep them coming! We love to hear your thoughts :)**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch.1-2**_

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><p>Anna paced a hole in the bathroom floor as she waited for the five minutes to be up on the test. It had been six months since they had really started trying to get pregnant. Diets, exercises, and calendars had consumed their lives but it would all be worth it when they saw that little positive sign on the test. Anna was hopeful this time...after months of her period coming like clockwork she was finally late. Something in the back of her mind told her that she shouldn't allow this hope to root itself inside her, but she couldn't help it. Why else would she be late?<p>

Anna turned when she heard the bedroom door open, and John call out to her. She made it known that she was in the bathroom and he soon joined her.

"What are you doing in here, love?"

Anna took his hands and smiled up at him, and it was then that John registered the pregnancy test lying on the counter. His eyes widened, and he looked down at his wife with the biggest smile she'd seen from him in a while. He'd noticed that Anna had taken up the habit of marking the date her period was supposed to occur on the calendar with a red dot. John had come to dread the week approaching that red dot almost as much as his wife dreaded the arrival of her cycle. When the day came and went this month and Anna hadn't come to him upset, he had been given reason to hope. He hadn't the courage to hope or ask her about it, but now...

"I'm late John," she whispered, giving a voice to his thoughts. John gathered her in his embrace, and she spoke into his chest. "I'm glad you're here. We can read the test together." Anna pulled back just enough so she could kiss him.

Just as their lips met the timer on her phone went off, and she looked at him expectantly.

"This is it," she said, her voice shaking with nerves.

He grabbed her hands before she turned towards the counter, and he gripped them tightly before bringing them to his lips to kiss.

"Anna whatever it says, just know that I love you."

She smiled and pulled him down for another kiss. "I love you too."

She couldn't keep her hand from shaking as she picked up the test; her eyes never leaving John's as she held it. They both took a deep breath and looked down at the same time at the test she held between them.

One line.

Only one.

It was negative. Anna felt her heart shatter and crash to her feet. No, she was late...this couldn't be right.

"This can't be. No. Maybe it's faint...maybe it's wrong. Can you see the second line John? It has to be there! It has to be!" She was becoming frantic, and the tears fell quickly as she panted for breath.

John's heart was broken as he watched her fall apart in front of him. She'd been so bright just a moment ago...so full of hope. Hope that for both of them was now blown into a million pieces. He tried to hold her but she pulled away from him with a jerk, holding the test out in front of her, and desperately searching for that second line she knew had to be there. John felt tears sting his eyes. He could barely stand to watch this happening, but he knew he needed to help her.

"Anna, please. Give it to me...it's not there, love." He wrapped his arms around her, and held her tight even though she tried to wiggle away from him, he wouldn't let her go. He would never let her go. Anna dropped the test into the sink, and put her head in her hands. Her cries of grief and anguish filled the room around them. It was too much...John felt the tears escape and slide down his cheek. He managed to turn Anna around so he could bury his head in her neck as they cried together.

After what felt like an eternity they both pulled back and wiped away the other's tears. Without a word spoken between them, John led Anna towards their bedroom, and settled them both down on the bed; never breaking his hold on her. She rested against his chest, and he felt her breathing return to a normal pace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in the smallest voice he'd ever heard from her. He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes.

"Anna, you have nothing to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing."

If only she could convince her mind and her heart that he was right. Anna felt like a complete failure because of that damn test.

"I just don't understand," she felt the tears returning and tried to keep them at bay. "We've been doing everything right, every single thing they say to do, we've done. Why isn't this happening?"

"Maybe the test is wrong, Anna. I mean..you are late." John held her tightly. "Perhaps it's time we involved some doctors in this, love. We don't seem to be having much luck on our own, and maybe there's something they can do to help us."

Anna sniffled, and wiped a few stray tears away as she nodded. "Yes, I think you're right."

"Look at me, Anna." He waited until she met his gaze before he continued. "We will have a baby, someway..somehow."

Anna gave a tiny hint of a smile. "I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you more."

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><p>The test wasn't wrong. Anna's cycle came two days later. And that is how John found himself waiting at a fertility specialists office a week later.<p>

John sat on the cold table of the doctor's office thumbing through a magazine that he really had no interest in. He checked the clock that was slowly ticking by on the wall and was wondering what could be taking the doctor so long. Months of trying had brought no news and Anna had already seen her doctor twice to see if it was something on her end. It hadn't taken much deductive reasoning to figure that the problem might lie with him. As much as he knew Anna hated to talk about Vera, he and his first wife had never successfully gotten pregnant in the time they had been together. It was driving him mad to know that this whole time Anna had been berating herself that she might be at fault here, when it looked as though the fault had always lain with him. Then another doubt creeped in his head, what if after all this there was nothing wrong with either of them and they just couldn't conceive at all. They hadn't discussed adoption yet, not seriously anyway. Anna seemed very keen to have a child of her own, but what if she didn't agree to it? What if she didn't want to continue on with their marriage because they couldn't have children? The very thought tore at his heart strings and suddenly he found himself yearning for the doctor to arrive and fill the silent void that was slowly breaking him down.

There was a knock at the door and the doctor came in soon after. John was still in the gown the nurse had offered to him before she stepped out. She had asked John to remove all his clothes in case the doctor needed to check anything out after they had reviewed his sample. He took a deep breath and tried not to appear too anxious as he fired off a nervous smile. "And how are we today Mr. Bates?" Dr. Tapsell asked kindly.

"Well given the fact that I'm not wearing any clothes under here and I essentially just did something in the other room I haven't done since I was a horny teenager, I'd say we're about as awkwardly comfortable as we are going to get today," he replied trying to keep upbeat about all this. "We don't have to do any of the usual stuff today do we? The ole 'turn your head and cough' bit is getting rather tiresome," John felt his attempt at humor fall on deaf ears. John saw the grim face his doctor was sporting and felt his heart drop into his stomach.

"No, John that won't be necessary. It appears the reason you and Anna have had trouble conceiving is down to you," Dr. Tapsell filled in.

He knew it. Somewhere deep down the whole time a little voice kept saying it was him. John nodded his head in silent understanding as his hands clenched together into fists.

"The tests revealed that you have a low sperm count, which as I'm sure you know from basic biology isn't exactly welcome when one is trying to conceive," the doctor added.

"How low?" asked in a voice that was barely audible. Internally he was still trying to figure out how he was going to break this news to Anna. Hopefully their odds were still within reason.

"I'd say the odds of you both conceiving without some sort of medical intervention is highly unlikely. It seems that the few sperm you do have are exhibiting characteristics of low motility as well," Dr. Tapsell answered back.

"Meaning?"

"In a nutshell your swimmers are not strong swimmers, John. They are not likely to make it to an egg to fertilize." Dr. Tapsell went on to explain some other details about how the changes John and Anna had made were still good and would make it possible for them to still have a child of their own without having to use a surrogate or use sperm from a donor. John supposed he should have found some relief in his words but it didn't take the sting out of things. The doctor said he wanted to schedule an appointment with Anna for her to come in so they could discuss In Vitro fertilization as a method for conception. John knew very little of In Vitro but he knew it was costly, he also knew that there were chances it would not end successfully. He didn't know if Anna could take any further disappointment in her race for parenthood.

* * *

><p>When Anna arrived home she practically lobbed her purse onto the couch and left the door open as she searched for John. She found him sitting at the dining table distributing some take away that he had ordered. "You didn't call or text after your appointment. How did it go?" she asked.<p>

John knew she hadn't meant to skip the formalities, but he was somewhat hurt that she hadn't hugged him first or greeted him properly. "Perhaps we should start eating first, love," John said.

Anna refused to sit as her lips formed a hard line, "No. I want to know what the doctor said."

John nearly slammed the box of chow mein down on the table in frustration. "Can we please, Anna?" John hadn't meant to lash out but in truth he had never felt more like a failure in his entire life. He was going to have to break her heart once more. Was going to have to watch her fall apart once more. Only now he knew the reason why and it was him. John couldn't take it. He was supposed to be her husband and protect her from harm, shield her from worry and hurt, and be a source of joy to her. But lately it seemed that the universe wanted nothing more than to snub out their happiness.

"I was poked and prodded today like a god damn guinea pig. I had to do something that I wouldn't normally do on my own in some cold office with trashy magazines strewn about. Something that is supposed to be shared between us," he said with tears in his eyes. "I just want to share a damn dinner without having to talk or think about a baby." John sat down and without waiting for Anna to sit beside him he began shoveling food in his mouth. Only now he was finding it hard to swallow and he wanted to wretch after the food hit his hollow stomach. The vile words he'd unleashed on her were just now settling in and he hated himself for it. John pushed the plate away and saw Anna staring back at him with tears in her eyes. "Oh god, love. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," John said as he swept her up in his arms.

"No. No. You have every right to be upset. I just keep pushing and pushing. I feel like a woman possessed. I spend every waking moment now thinking about a baby that will never be. It's not fair to you," Anna said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "I didn't even kiss you when I walked in the door."

"It's alright," John said. "I think we're both putting too much pressure on ourselves."

"You are?" Anna replied, not realizing how this had been affecting her husband.

"Well, I know it's probably not the same as it is for you. But with every passing month I feel like I'm failing you. I never had children before. Maybe I should have seen a doctor sooner. I'm older and I'm not getting any younger. We try different positions, different times of day, we changed our whole lives to revolve around this calendar and for what?" John asked aloud to no one in particular. "Anna, love...you are not the problem," he said with a heavy sigh. "I am."

"John, you can't take on the blame all by yourself…" she began to speak.

John stopped to grab her hands gently. His action caused her to stare at him more seriously as she mentally prepared herself for what he was about to say. "I can. The doctor told me. I have a low sperm count and apparently the sperm that I do have are not moving the way they should for us to conceive," he said embarrassed even in front of his own wife.

"But they can do something right?" Anna asked.

He heard the hitch in her breath like she was holding back a sob. "Not for me, no," John responded and waited for his words to register on Anna's face. Another door closed.

"So...what now?" emotion and desperation coated her words.

"The doctor wants us to come in and talk about in vitro," John said. How is it that no one ever prepared them for this part of marriage?

"Ok," she replied.

Her face was unreadable and John wasn't sure what she was thinking of in that moment. He wished he knew what else to say. John wasn't sure if he was worried because she wasn't reacting or happy about it. Maybe it meant she was handling it well. Or worse, she wasn't and she was retreating and holding her true feelings back from him. "Anna?"

She looked up at him with her eyes as big as saucers.

"We can do whatever you want love. Try again. Not try again. Do the in vitro. Adopt. Whatever it is, I'm game if you are. I'm here with you," he said with a friendly smile.

Anna held his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she put on a stiff upper lip and attempted to smile back at him.

* * *

><p>They had gone to one appointment after another, ultrasounds were performed, and blood was withdrawn on more than one occasion to make sure that Anna wouldn't have any complications carrying a child on her own. John had to stick to a regimen to provide the best sample he could in order to ensure a successful implantation. They had discussed it at length and spent nearly everything they had in savings in order to do one round of in vitro. Anna and John knew there was a chance it wouldn't work out, but John didn't have the heart to keep his wife away from her only chance at carrying their child.<p>

Once every detail had been explained at length to them and every prescription filled they headed back home to get things started. He supported her every step of the way and tried to be the light in the darkness she needed when it was all becoming too much. For the most part Anna handled it on her own, but John wanted to be just as much a part of it as she was. And that's how he found himself ready to give her the last round of her injections six weeks later.

John immediately felt overwhelmed as he looked over to the bathroom counter that didn't have a bare spot on it. Anna's medicine bottles and hormone kits seemed to be multiplying and slowly taking over their bathroom.

"John, are you ready?" Anna called from the other room.

John steadied his hand as he removed the cap from the needle filled with the hormones he was to inject into his wife. He let out a deep breath and told himself he could do this. John would not fail Anna in this aspect. "Coming," he replied back. John walked into their bedroom to find Anna on the bed with her shirt lifted enough to expose her lower belly and he smiled at her nervously. How was it she looked so brave and didn't seem to be bothered by this in the slightest? One would have thought they'd been doing this for years. And then he saw the smile etched on her face. She still had hope. Even with all the setbacks his Anna, the love of his life, she still didn't doubt. Knowing that somehow made him a little more calm. "Ok," John said as he smiled at his wife. His hand began shaking again as it hovered just above her skin.

"Maybe we should say something first," Anna blurted out. Her words stopping his train of thought.

"Like what?"

Anna reached out to hold his hand and brought his knuckles to her lips. She kissed each one and looked at him with all the love and devotion he had seen there the day they exchanged their wedding vows. "This is going to happen, John. I can feel it. We both just need to be brave and have faith," she said with a tender smile.

John had never been a man of faith, but he was familiar with the concept having been raised a Catholic by his mother. If there was one thing he knew it was that he believed in Anna. "I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you too," Anna replied as she laid back on the bed. She tried to stare at the wall, not caring much for the sight of the needle.

John did as the doctor had asked and flicked at the tip to make sure no air bubbles were stuck in the top. He let out a small woosh of air and concentrated on the small patch of skin just above Anna's underwear. John wiped the area down with some rubbing alcohol and a dry cotton ball before he proceeded. He raised his hand to stick her with enough force to puncture the skin, but saw how her eyes clenched shut in anticipation of the pain that was to come and he froze. "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do this," John said.

"What?"

"I thought I could. But I can't," John rambled. "The thought of hurting you..." he spoke before pausing. John stared at Anna's arms that were already covered with bruises from the numerous blood withdrawals.

"John, you knew this is what was going to happen," Anna pointed out. She was upset, but certainly not with him.

"Well talking about it and doing it are two very different things," John said as he began pacing back and forth in their bedroom. "It's easy for the doctor to say, 'sure just stick your wife with this needle' like it's no big deal. It's not his wife being stuck. I can't hurt you like that."

"John, it will hurt. But it's only for a moment and it will pass. At the end of it we'll have our baby that we'll get to hold and it will all have been worth it," she explained in her most soothing voice.

"I don't know," he said.

"Please, come sit with me," Anna plead with him. He did as she asked, always finding it hard to refuse his wife. "You have to do this. We don't have any other option. I can take it," she said trying to be brave.

"Ok," he replied in a soft voice.

Anna laid back once more, "Do it for me."

John nodded his head in agreement. Only this time when he rose the needle up a little bit, he looked over and saw Anna was looking back at him. Her face was stoic as she put on her bravest face and mouthed the words 'I love you' to him. John pushed his hand down with enough force for the needle to puncture the skin and she didn't even flinch. He covered the area with a cotton ball and put a small bandage over the spot, just in case, even though he couldn't see a sign of blood. "There. Done," John stated. He looked over to Anna to see how she was holding up.

"That wasn't so bad," she said. "It was a small, sharp pain. But like I said it didn't last long. I'm fine, I swear," she replied.

He let out a sigh of relief. John looked over at the other syringe he still had to put into her thigh, but eyed it with more confidence this go around. "Do you want to wait a moment before I do the next one?" John asked as he observed her carefully.

"No. Let's just get it over with before I lose my nerve," Anna replied.

John went through the process again and looked at Anna with pleading eyes before sticking her once more. He remembered the doctor emphasized to perform this shot more slowly, so John thought it would be less painful than the first. Only this time her reaction was completely different. She gasped audibly before turning her head into the pillow and clutching it tightly. John stopped when he saw her reaction, but her voice rang out, slightly muffled in the pillow guiding him further.

"Finish it, John," Anna managed to cry out before cursing into the pillow.

John remembered immediately he still had to push the contents of the needle into her and did so slowly before removing the needle. He immediately covered the spot with another cotton ball over the area. He applied a small amount of pressure and then took a small bandage to cover the wound.

When she didn't rise immediately he was almost afraid to touch her, not wanting to do any further harm. He noticed the surrounding area was already turning red. As he saw her grip on the pillow slacken, John leaned down to give her a hug and kissed her forehead and nose. "I hope I didn't hurt you," he whispered.

"I won't lie, it hurt like hell. I imagine that's what a bee sting feels like. But no it wasn't you, never you," she assured him.

"Thank God," John replied.

Anna began to giggle, and John pulled back to look at her.

"What's so funny?" he asked, feeling a little bit hurt.

"I was just thinking if you couldn't handle watching me take a shot, then how are you ever going to stand watching me give birth?" Her laughter was contagious, and he couldn't help but join her.

"Perhaps I'll be one of those guys who waits outside."

"Oh no you won't John Bates...you'll be right there by my side."

John took her hand and kissed it gently, "Of course I will, darling. But I'm not saying it will be easy to watch you in so much pain." John brushed her hair back over her shoulder, "My poor darling, you'll look like a bruised peach by the time this is all said and done. "

Anna lifted his chin with her index finger so that he was looking her in the eye. "Eye on the prize, love. Our son or daughter is going to be the end result of all of this. Once you are holding our baby this will all be forgotten. A blip in the grand scheme of things."

"Do you never doubt?'

"No. I don't doubt that the sun will rise in the east either," she responded resolutely. Casting off a mischievous and hopeful smile towards her husband.

They laid in each other's arms for the rest of the evening imagining and dreaming about how their lives could be changing soon. Neither of them could hardly wait.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: We want to say a big thank you to those of you who have reviewed this story so far, especially to the ones who are sharing their personal experiences of dealing with infertility. You have no idea how much your words of encouragement mean to us, and we hope we are doing justice to this very real issue that so many people have to endure. Thank you xo**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch. 1-3**_

* * *

><p><em>~3 Weeks Later~<em>

They'd known it was a long shot from the beginning. Still that hadn't stopped them from investing every spare bit of savings they had, and all their hopes on this procedure. Anna couldn't breath, her heart beating a painful rhythm in her chest as she answered the call from the doctor. She shouldn't have answered it while John was at work, she knew that now. Hindsight is 20/20, her mother had always told her.

It hadn't worked. They weren't pregnant. Their last hope was gone...over.

Anna collapsed onto the couch, the phone still resting in her hands. No tears came, much to her surprise...she guessed there just weren't anymore left to shed. Grief filled her soul, but so did a strange sense of relief. The suspense was over, and now they knew they had done all they could do to have a baby. Every single resource exhausted in their quest to have a child. There was nothing left.

The word adoption rang in her mind...John had brought it up in the past as a possibility. Surrogacy… A sperm donor. But those two just simply weren't options to Anna. It might be selfish but she wanted to carry their child, and she certainly didn't want one that wasn't John's. That option was perfect for some people, but not for her.

This was how John found her that evening. Sitting in the dark, quiet living room thinking of the narrowing tunnel of possibilities for them.

He was instantly concerned, and approached her quickly.

"Anna, what are you doing in the dark? What's wrong?"

He looked down and saw the phone in her hands, and his heart sank to the floor.

"The doctor called," she whispered.

John breathed deeply, preparing himself for what she was about to say...good or bad. "And?"

Anna shook her head. "It didn't work."

Those three words crushed him. John Bates had failed at a lot of things in his life, but this had to be the worst failure he'd ever experienced. It was his fault they couldn't have a baby…his fault that Anna would be robbed of the chance to experience pregnancy and motherhood.

This couldn't be it….there had to be something else.

"We won't give up Anna, we'll find someway. You will be a mother, somehow."

"No, John." Her words came out stronger than John anticipated, and he looked at her with surprise. Her brow was furrowed, and her jaw was set in that stubborn way that she had. "I'm tired. I'm so damn tired, and I just want to stop trying for a while. I can't do this anymore."

John looked into her eyes expecting tears, but there were none and that broke his heart even more. She was giving up, his Anna who never given up on anything. It was harder to bear for him than anything they'd gone through the past year. But he was her husband, and he would support her no matter what; no matter how much it hurt him to watch her walk away from their dream.

"Alright," he spoke softly to her, and took her hands in his, rubbing gentle circles across her knuckles. "If that's what you want, love, then we won't do anything else."

"Good." Anna pulled her hands away from him, rose from the couch, and walked towards their bedroom leaving him sitting on the floor.

"Anna, where are you going?" When she turned back to him her eyes were cold and her expression blank. He had never seen her like this, and it terrified him.

"I just need to be alone for a while," was all she said before disappearing down the hallway.

Anna may not have any tears left to shed, but her husband did...and he allowed the earth shattering sobs to consume him as he collapsed onto the floor.

* * *

><p>Anna continued to show very little emotion in the days and weeks that followed the phone call, which caused John a world of worry. She told him again and again that she was fine; that it would be what it was, but he knew deep inside she was hurting and he couldn't help but feel at fault for her pain. He <em>was <em>at fault. If she had found someone younger, and more able-bodied she would have a houseful of children by now. But John could not allow himself to think that way, she'd chosen him, she loved him...and God knows he couldn't live without her.

John tried everything he could think of to cheer her up. He made her favorite foods, put in her favorite movies whenever they were watching something, drew her bath for her every evening. Anna had told him he didn't have to pamper her, but he paid her no mind. However, his efforts didn't seem to really be working. They hadn't been intimate since before the call...which certainly wasn't the most important thing, but seeing as how making love had become such a major part of their lives he found himself missing being with her in that way.

It felt as if their entire world had been altered, and John only prayed that the fact that he couldn't give her the baby she so desired didn't tear their marriage apart.

After weeks of watching his wife slip further and further away from him, it caught John completely off guard when he opened the door to their home one evening and found her practically dancing through the living room as she cleaned. The music was blaring and she was singing along with the duster in her hand. The sight should have brought a smile to his face to see that Anna was back to being herself, but instead it sent a lightning bolt of distress through his body. Had something happened?

John walked over and turned down the music, getting her attention.

"Hello, my love." Anna pranced over to him and kissed his cheek. "How was your day?"

"It was fine," he responded hesitantly. "What's going on here?"

"This place needed a good cleaning and I got off early today so I thought I would take care of it. We've been invited to a party later at Robert and Cora's by the way. I thought it would be nice to get out of the house." She didn't seem to be sensing his tone and continued to clean around him as he watched her.

Finally she looked up and met his eyes, the smile fell away from her face and she sighed. "I can see you're concerned, but you shouldn't be. I know I haven't been myself since….well since the call from the doctor. But I decided today that just because we aren't having a baby, doesn't mean we can't enjoy life." Anna smiled a true, genuine smile that lifted his heart a little. "So what do you say? Can we go to the party?"

She sounded so excited and even though John was still concerned for her he simply could not deprive her. He met her eyes and gave her a smile of his own...albeit not quite as genuine. "Of course we can. I'll help you finish cleaning up and then we'll get ready."

"Wonderful!" Anna exclaimed giving him a kiss on the lips this time before resuming her tasks.

Whatever was going on he hoped this party didn't destroy her newfound joy.

* * *

><p>Anna was quite enjoying herself as she danced around the ballroom of the Crawley house with her husband. John never danced, but he seemed to be willing to do anything this evening to make her happy. A first the glimpse of a very pregnant Mary made her want to run away and spend the evening crying into her husband's chest, but Anna had decided that she couldn't think that way. She was so happy for Mary and Matthew and she would not let her and John's fate keep her from being excited for her friends or take away from their joy.<p>

So she'd embraced Mary, and talked with her for a while about how she was doing and feeling. That is until John had offered to dance with her, an offer which took her completely by surprise. The drinks were flowing, and they had what was probably more than their fair share, but it allowed them to lower their inhibitions and just have fun for a change. The past two years had been so filled with stress and anxiety….that wasn't what Anna wanted for their marriage. She loved this man more than anything in the world, and they were going to be happy together no matter what.

John hadn't had nearly as many drinks as her, so he was having quite an amusing time watching Anna lose herself on the dance floor. She was exquisite, even with her red, sweaty face. He had broken away from her to catch his breath and sat down admiring her as she danced with Sybil and Gwen. It did his heart good to see her smiling and laughing.

It wasn't long before she joined him at the table, where he had a glass of water waiting for her. "It's been a long time since you drank this much, you need to stay hydrated." John pushed the water towards her encouraging her to drink up, which she did quickly.

"Ahh, that's good water." Anna said enthusiastically.

John laughed, "Well I'm glad to hear it. How are you feeling? Are you about ready to go?"

"It is getting late, isn't it?"

"Well, I can walk but I certainly am in no condition to drive. Let me see if I can arrange for us to get a lift home from Tom and Sybil," John suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Anna said with a finger point and a wink of the eye.

John chuckled at the sight. Seeing her this intoxicated was brand new territory for him, at least not since her hen night.

"Let me just go say goodbye to Mary," Anna said with a pat of her hand on his knee.

"I'll catch Robert and meet you by the door." John called after her as they separated.

* * *

><p>John had her coat waiting when he met her, and wrapped her up in it. Anna looped her arm through his and they made their way towards their car.<p>

"Well did you have fun this evening?" John asked.

"I did, it was so nice to get out and let loose again. And the enjoyment is hardly over...Mr. Bates." John recognized that tone, and his face flushed immediately. It had been so long since he'd heard her this playful that he could feel himself responding to her already.

He didn't say anything, unable to think of what to say exactly, John spent the rest of their journey home enamoured by the sight and sound of Anna's tipsy behavior and laughter. He relaxed a little, enjoying seeing his wife this way again.

When they arrived home, Anna could barely manage taking her shoes off without falling over. John had to help her keep steady, although he wasn't doing much better. He laughed when she kept shushing him, even though they weren't in danger of waking anyone else up. They both made it to their bedroom and Anna fell into their bed still clothed. John began to tuck her in and headed back to their dresser to take off his watch and change into his pajamas. It wasn't long before he felt a set of familiar hands settle around his waist and lead him back to the bed. "Anna, what are you doing?"

"Make love to me, John," Anna said as she tugged at his tie to bring him closer to her.

John braced himself above her with one hand planted on either side of her. She kissed his lips and he reciprocated without any further convincing. "I just...can we...I don't want to hurt you."

God help her. She had never thought it possible for a man to love her and care for her as much as he did. "You wont hurt me, we were intimate in the weeks following the in vitro process," she reminded him.

"No, not that. I mean I am concerned with that as well. But I mean, I don't want you to push yourself to do something because you think it's going to make me happy or out of obligation to fulfill some wifely duty. I do miss it, but I don't want it to be like that," John explained.

Anna realized this was going to take some convincing now. "I feel like the first two years of our marriage I deprived you of the happiness we should have had. I've been so focused on us having a baby that I forgot the most important part. And that is us. We need to be happy before we can welcome a child into this world. And our happiness shouldn't be dependent on the existence of a child. It should be enhanced by it." She must have said something right because he looked upon her with an unbridled passion and benevolence.

John had tears in his eyes as he spoke the words that had been floating through his mind unspoken for the past few months. "I've missed us."

"Me too," Anna replied as she ran a hand across his cheek.

He turned his mouth to the side to press a kiss to her palm. He hated even having to ask, but he knew if he didn't they would never fully be able to move forward together. "Will you still love me, if nothing ever comes of all this?"

Without answering and without hesitation Anna set to work and pulled John closer to lay his head against her chest. She covered his face in kisses and soon they were both engaging in a slow, horizontal dance. Their hands were moving on their own accord, John felt like he could barely keep up with her and yet everything seemed to be slowing down in a moment of clarity. They were still standing as one. Their love still survived. As long as they had each other nothing else seemed to matter.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Well we are approaching an end here folks, just a little over half way there. We both can't express how much the feedback and reviews have meant to us. We're both glad we were able to touch upon a very real issue that would be a potential problem for Anna and John in a modern setting. So happy you all are sticking with it and enjoying the story. Please review and enjoy your weekend.**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch. 1-4**_

* * *

><p>Insomnia was something John had always suffered from, ever since he was small boy. He'd wander the house at night, or stay up late reading causing his mother a world of worry that he wasn't getting his sleep. Over time the affliction had worked in his favor, he was always early to rise...never late for anything. But never had it proved more beneficial than it had when he'd married Anna. John had spent many a late night or early morning watching his beloved sleep. It did his heart good, especially in the difficult times they'd been through to see her at ease and relax in her sleep. If at all possible she was even more beautiful in these moments, bathed in the moonlight and breathing slowly and deeply.<p>

Sleep had been difficult to come by for her lately. She never seemed to be able to get comfortable, but remarkably she had tonight and John didn't dare move for fear of disturbing her. She laid facing him and he looked down towards the reason for her discomfort and smiled brightly. Her hand was resting protectively over the large swell of her belly. They were only a few weeks shy of her due date now; yet it seemed like only yesterday that he'd come home about a month after the party at Robert and Cora's to find her hysterically crying on their bathroom floor. John had gone absolutely crazy with panic, thinking that something terrible had happened to her, but then she'd met his eyes and the smile through her tears told him that she wasn't hurt.

"_Anna what on earth is going on?" He knelt down in front of her, and realized then what she was holding in her hand. A pregnancy test. She held it out to him, and he took it with a shaking hand. The two lines he saw there caused him to shed tears of his own. Without another word he'd gathered Anna in his arms and they had cried together. Tears of pure joy and happiness. After a time Anna pulled back from him, and they both wiped away the other's tears._

"_We're going to have a baby, John," she whispered as she pressed her forehead to his._

"_A baby," he whispered back as their lips met_.

John couldn't resist the temptation as he came back to the present from the memory of finding out Anna was pregnant. He reached out and rested his hand ever so gently against her belly, and was amazed to feel their baby rolling around in there.

The pregnancy had not been an easy one. Anna had suffered from horrible morning sickness in her first trimester, and it drove John crazy when the doctor told them there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. Still, he did everything he could to ease her sickness and finally at the end of her third month she began to feel more like herself.

Also, with the end of her first trimester the fear of miscarriage eased up for them. The doctor had told them that was the time when she was most at risk of losing the baby, which terrified Anna. But John wouldn't allow her to think like that.

"_We've come so far, Anna. We won't be consumed by fear now. I have a hard time believing that we would be gifted with this baby, only for it to be taken away at this stage in the game."_

Anna had nodded, and smiled at her husband. Telling him that he always seemed to know exactly what to say to make her feel better.

He tried to live up to her words through every trial and milestone. Anna suffered from low blood pressure throughout the pregnancy which caused him to worry continuously about leaving her home alone, or sending her off to work. She'd become prone to light-headedness and nearly fainted a few times when they were at home. Over time though Anna learned how to control the symptoms and they managed just fine.

However, through all the anxiety that came with worrying ceaselessly over Anna's health, came the milestones that they tried to ingrain into their minds so they would never forget a single moment. Neither John nor Anna were naive; they both understood that this could be their one and only chance at this. They soaked up every moment gratefully. The first time they heard their baby's heartbeat they both cried. Tears of joy came again the first time they saw their baby on an ultrasound...John finding it hard to believe that this little peanut would be their child. He called the baby 'peanut' after that, which both annoyed and delighted Anna in equal measure. John showed off the ultrasound photo to everyone and anyone with eyes. Anna teased him that she was just thankful he hadn't done the same with the pregnancy test.

They had decided in the beginning that they didn't want to know if it was a boy or a girl, or rather, Anna had decided. John had taken some convincing on this particular decision, but Anna wanted to be surprised and he was determined to fulfill her every wish and desire.

Every night John read to Anna and the baby. He would curl around her body with his head right next to her growing belly and weave tall tales of adventure for both of his loves while Anna ran her fingers through his hair. John was beyond thrilled as he felt their baby respond to the sound of his voice and even more enchanted with the way their baby reacted to his every touch. It was an experience that wouldn't fail to leave him in absolute awe of his wife as she harbored their baby or at the wonder of the life they had both managed to create.

Watching Anna's body change was another source of joy for John, and after her sickness abated, Anna's appetite for...certain activities...seemed to heighten. John experienced first hand how amazing and enjoyable these changes were. While it was often uncomfortable walking around looking like a whale, John made sure to praise Anna on how she looked at every chance he got. Knowing that the reason she looked the way she did only meant their baby was growing bigger and stronger with each passing day, bringing them one step closer to meeting him or her. Though his compliments were not always met with a smile, sometimes Anna would call him soft in the head for loving her body that way.

"_John, I look like I'm carrying a beach ball under my shirt and I waddle like a penguin. How could you possibly find that attractive?" she had asked one day._

"_Because knowing you are carrying our baby makes me immensely happy. You're positively glowing," John explained._

_Anna had merely snickered under her breath as she rolled her eyes at him playfully._

"_Besides...it's a sexy little waddle," he teased._

_Anna was laughing too hard to stay cross with him for long. She even over exaggerated her waddle a little more that day just to get his goat._

Overall, it was the greatest time of their lives. Obstacles were nothing new to John and Anna and they took every one in stride knowing that the end result would bring them more happiness than either of them could imagine.

At long last they were finally getting the family they had been dreaming of. After everything they had been through...all the disappointment and heartbreak. All the failed attempts, and tests...they had stopped trying completely and that was when it had happened. This baby, boy or girl, was their one in a million shot that every doctor and specialist had been so certain would never happen. It was truly their miracle.

* * *

><p>John stood in the hallway retrieving some more ice from the machine, he could hear Anna's groans even through the door. She'd felt the first contractions that morning before he'd gone to work, but didn't make any mention of it. They had already come to the hospital once earlier that week only to be turned away and told it was Braxton Hick's. She had finally called John around lunch time to tell him her water had broken. John had driven home and delivered her to the hospital as quickly as he could without putting them in danger. Once she was checked in things seemed to slow down, which they were told was normal for a first time mother. John looked at his watch as he filled the second cup with ice and realized it was going on two in the morning. When John came back into the room he saw his wife working her way through another contraction as the nurse held her hand and talked Anna through her breathing. John felt out of his element; there were so many wires and machines monitoring Anna's and the baby's every vital sign. But upon hearing his name he immediately found his place beside Anna.<p>

"John," Anna said with her eyes screwed shut. "Oh god, it hurts," Anna managed to say through gritted teeth as she ran a hand over her bulging belly.

John set the ice down beside the bed and instantly took Anna's hand in his own before kissing the back of her hand. "I know my darling. You're nearly there though," he encouraged. John brushed her hair, that was damp from sweat, away from her face. He let his lips press against the top of her head as his thumb stroked her temple. Anna craned her neck to lean into him and he let his forehead touch hers. John whispered softly into her ear, "Eye on the prize, love. Remember?"

Anna nodded her head in acknowledgement as she let out another slow breath of air, before her head fell back against the pillow of her hospital bed. She barely had a chance to catch her breath before the tightening in her belly started up once more; the intense, searing pain in her lower back grew with every passing second. Anna's hands clenched at the railing on the side of the bed, the pressure only becoming more unbearable.

John helped her to sit up and applied pressure to her lower back as he massaged along her spine. He tried to argue for them to give her something to help with the pain, but was rebuffed when the doctor told them an epidural would only exacerbate Anna's low blood pressure that she'd be exhibiting throughout her pregnancy.

A doctor checked to see how far along she was as the contractions now seemed to be right on top of one another. The doctor's head disappeared behind the small sheet draped over Anna's legs and came back to announce, "Alright, Anna you are now fully dilated. You can start to push."

Anna let out an exhausted grunt, "John, I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm so tired."

"You can my darling," John said. He didn't care that there were other people in the room or if they heard him. Right now he was Anna's biggest supporter and he'd do whatever he had to to get them all through this. But God help him, it tore him up inside to see her in pain like this. She sounded as though she were being split in two and it was all because of him. "We've already gotten past the worst of it. We weren't even sure this would be possible for us a year ago," he reminded her with a small chuckle.

Anna found the strength to smile back at him through her pain.

"Now come on, let's have a baby," John said with more enthusiasm and vigor than he had before.

"Okay," Anna replied with tears in the corners of her eyes.

She looked so tired, but Anna was still the most beautiful thing to him in that moment. Everything they had ever dreamed of and fought for was just minutes away and it was all thanks to her. John held his hand out with his palm facing up and smiled when her hand met his and squeezed it tighter. He was in awe of her strength as she gave it her all. She pushed when the doctor told her to and remained focus in between when the doctor asked her to wait to check on the position of the baby. It went on like this for another half hour; she'd begun to lose hope with every failed promise from the doctor that it would just be one more push. The room filled with wails and Anna's tears mixed with the sweat from her hard work, but she had passed the point of caring and just wanted it to be over. John continued to praise her and pour every ounce of love and strength into his words, hoping somehow she would absorb it and be able to use it for herself.

"You're doing it, Anna. Our baby is nearly here sweetheart," John cheered her on. He caught a glimpse of their baby's head as it made an appearance and when he told Anna their baby had his hair she let out a small laugh between pushes. John dabbed at her brow with a small wash cloth and braced her shoulders as she bared down once more. He was almost startled by the low, guttural moan that escaped his wife as she pushed one final time. And then his wife's exertions stopped and another sound replaced it, it was the sound of their baby crying.

"Congratulations, you two. Your daughter is here," the doctor announced.

"A girl," John said in wonderment as he squeezed her tightly, "Anna, it's a girl." He looked down at his wife and saw she had tears in her eyes and the biggest smile he'd ever seen spread across her face.

"I know, I heard," she laughed. "Can we hold her?"

"Of course, just let us clean her up a bit first," the doctor responded with a kind face.

Even though John knew she wasn't far away, his eyes didn't leave the small person that had just entered the room and had already taken up a huge piece of his heart. He watched with a concerned look on his face to make sure that each person she was handed off to didn't drop her and treated her with the utmost care. His wife's voice brought him back to reality.

"She's here. I couldn't have done it without you," Anna said simply.

"You're giving me far too much credit," John said with a half-smile. On some level he was proud of himself, but he wouldn't deny that his wife had achieved a feat he never thought possible. It was a moment he felt so privileged to witness and he felt even more honored to know it was because of her determination they had a daughter that was a part of both of them. John leaned forward to kiss his wife, "You did brilliantly. All of it. And I love you more than you know for giving her to me."

When the nurse returned with their baby swaddled in a clean blanket she looked to both of them and began to hand the baby over to Anna. Anna quickly waved the nurse off, "No. I want John to hold her first."

"What?" John asked, suddenly petrified. "No. Anna, it should be you."

Anna knew how much he had berated himself while brooding in silence after they had found out that it was because of John that they couldn't conceive easily. She wanted to see the look on his face as he held his daughter. She couldn't have asked for a more understanding and patient husband through the entire process. He needed this just as much as she did. "This was all I ever wanted to see. It should be you," Anna justified her earlier statement.

"Well, someone needs to take her eventually," the nurse joked.

Anna and John both chuckled in response, but he finally conceded. John held out his hands to receive his baby girl for the first time, "Come here, sweetheart." He propped her head up so that Anna could observe her as he held their daughter in the warm embrace of his arms.

Anna thought her heart might burst at the picture that had taken shape before her. He looked like such a natural with their daughter in his arms. She seemed all the more tiny in comparison to John's larger frame, but he held her with a delicate ease that Anna had never witnessed before. Anna watched as he pulled the blankets back a little and checked her toes and fingers. He was awestruck by each new discovery, his eyes moving over her frantically trying to take it all in. This was what they had been fighting for.

"She's got your eyes," John said in amusement, a broad grin taking over his face.

"Let me see her," Anna said as she sat up.

"Welcome to the world, Maisy May Bates. I'm your Daddy," John said as the realization hit him. The emotions filled his voice and the tears that caught in his throat threatened to cut off the very air he breathed. He was lost for words by her tiny features, but he could already spot Anna's nose and lips easily. Her bright, blue eyes were stunning and she looked at her father with a serious manner far beyond her years as if she were sizing him up. Her fingers stretched out towards him and when John went to tuck the blanket tighter around her, Maisy's hand flailed and gripped his finger. Her whole hand barely covered the tip of his index finger and John felt his entire world shrink in that moment. The only two people he cared about most in the world were fit in this one room. He knew then that no matter what he achieved in his life, nothing would ever surpass this. John rocked her slightly when she was on the verge of crying out, "Come now peanut, don't cry. I have to introduce you to the most amazing woman in the world."

Anna smiled at him and covered her mouth with her hands as she prepared to meet her daughter properly.

"Maisy, this is your Mummy. She is incredible and if you grow up to be even half the person she is, you'll be most lucky indeed," John said.

Anna scooted over on the bed to make space for John and he took a seat beside her. Once he readjusted himself, Anna got her first real glimpse of their baby girl and she felt the warm tears slowly spill down her cheeks. "Oh John, she's marvellous."

"Yes, she is marvellous," John said as he stared in silent wonder at his wife. "Takes after her mother."

Suddenly it all came back to him, all the times he'd seen his wife crying tears out of anguish. All the negative signs on the pregnancy tests, the calendars and the red dots that followed, the injections and the hormone kits. Even when his wife had told him to have faith a part of him in the back of his mind told him this was impossible. He never imagined he would get to see this day and yet here he was with the greatest proof of their love's endurance wrapped in a soft pink blanket. John prepared to pass her off to Anna, but he stopped to kiss the brow of their daughter's head and whispered in her ear, "I'll never forget everything we went through for you." Maisy stirred a little at the sound of his words, but didn't seem to be bothered with it as she began to drift off in his arms. John hated to disturb her slumber, but he knew this was a moment that his wife had been long awaiting and he wouldn't deny her that experience any longer.

John moved to hand their daughter over to Anna and already felt the tears welling up in his eyes when his fingers brushed against hers. With Maisy settled in her arms Anna let the small weight press against her chest, somewhat similar to the way it had been when she'd was pregnant only now she could feel her daughter's heart beating beside her own. Maisy cried for a few seconds but Anna had never heard sweeter sounds. It was a sound she had longed to hear, so much so that Anna vowed she didn't care if she had to wake up every hour on the hour to tend to their baby in the middle of the night. She was just so happy to have her here with them.

"Hello, my darling. My, my, you've certainly got a set of lungs on you," Anna said as she smoothed Maisy's feather-light hair. She traced her daughter's face with the tips of her fingers as she cooed, "You are more loved than you will ever know my angel. Your Daddy and I prayed for you for so long. And look how gorgeous you are." If there was a word to better describe satisfied that is what she was, for Anna had everything she could have ever hoped for within arms reach. Anna wanted nothing more than to freeze time and remember every detail about this momentous occasion. They had a daughter and their life felt complete now; only it really was just beginning for them. They were parents. They were a family. They were the Bateses.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Our story is coming to an end, only the epilogue to go after this, which makes both of us a little bit sad. We have enjoyed writing this so much, and your reviews have been such a joy to read! Thank you to each and every one of you who have taken the time to leave us your feedback. It means so much to us :) **_

_**Now let's see how John and Anna handle the ups and downs of parenthood.**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch.1-5**_

* * *

><p>The weeks that followed Maisy's birth were quite a time of adjustment for John and Anna as they adapted to life with a newborn. Maisy was very good baby as babies went, but she did have her moments. However, neither of them ever complained, both of them were simply far too happy and grateful to have her at all.<p>

Anna has insisted on breast feeding which left John feeling rather helpless whenever Anna was woken up for a late night feeding, but he didn't let that stop him from helping wherever he was able. John did his fair share of diaper changes, and burpings. He had been given the first few weeks off of work to spend with Anna and Maisy, but after that leave ended it was torture to be away from them. When he would come home in the evening he would play with his little peanut until they both would collapse and fall asleep on the living room rug. Anna had snapped many a picture of the two of them slumbering in various places. Which he now had a collage frame full of on his desk at work.

This was everything he and Anna had ever dreamed of and they tried to cherish every gurgle, every gummy smile, every roll, and every opportunity to kiss her chubby little cheeks that they could...knowing that these days wouldn't last forever.

* * *

><p>Maisy was three months old when she came down with her first illness, and very nearly sent John and Anna into a tailspin of panic.<p>

Maisy had been fighting a cold for a few days, but nothing too serious. They'd called the doctor and he'd advised them of which medicines to give her. John came home from work a few days after they'd talked to the doctor to find a very worried Anna cradling a very fussy Maisy.

"She isn't getting better John, and now she feels warm. I think she has a fever."

"Here, let me have her a moment. You need a break." John took Maisy into his arms and sure enough she did feel feverish. Maisy stopped crying for a moment, long enough to give Anna some relief and enough strength to go make some tea. John sat in the rocker and talked to Maisy, rubbing her little back with the palm of his hand until she went to sleep. When Anna came back into the room with their tea, she couldn't help but smile at her husband.

"I called the nurses line at the pediatrician's office, they said to watch her fever but she should be alright if we just give her a little bit of medicine," Anna whispered.

John nodded and gladly took the tea from her as he cradled Maisy against him with his free hand.

"She'll be fine, love. Don't worry. Bates girls are made of strong stuff." John winked at his wife and it wasn't long before they had their baby girl settled and they fell into bed themselves.

However, their solace hadn't lasted long. Anna woke up at around three am to check Maisy's temperature and was struck by the sound of her coughing on the baby monitor. Only it didn't sound like a normal cough. It was unlike any she had ever heard. It sounded as if Maisy couldn't breath.

Anna screamed John's name, waking him up instantly, and bolted from the bed to their daughter's room with him right on her heels. They found Maisy with huge tears streaming down her face, trying to cry between coughs as she struggled to get her breath. Before Anna could even pick Maisy up and turn to John he was already out the door, yelling that he would bring the car around.

Anna cried hysterically as she held Maisy close to her chest, John driving them frantically to the hospital. She kept coughing and gasping for breath, each time causing John to press down harder on the accelerator and Anna to shed more tears and send up more prayers for their baby girl. Anna felt completely helpless; she had no idea what to do to help Maisy.

"Oh God, John she can't breathe," Anna cried. "Hurry!"

"I am, love. Don't worry, she's going to be fine." John's words sounded sure, but Anna could tell by the way he was pushing the car to its limits that he was just as terrified as she was. When they hit the next stop light John tried to calm her, "You have to calm down, love. You're going to scare her and excite her even more."

Anna shot an angry glare his way. "Don't tell me to calm down! I can't lose her, John!"

Her words had struck a chord in him and when John made sure no one was coming he peeled his tires and ran through the red light.

They made it to the hospital in record time, luckily the late hour meant there was very little traffic to hinder them, and also that there was little going on in the A&E when they arrived. The nurses took them straight back and immediately gave Maisy some medicine to calm her down. It took a few excruciating minutes and the nurse stood by with the mask just in case, but eventually Maisy's coughing eased up. Anna held her tightly as they watched Maisy take her first real deep breath, crocodile size tears streaming down her tiny flushed face. Anna's tears were now ones of immense relief.

"The doctor will be in to speak with you and check on the little dear soon. Mr. Bates, if I could have you step outside to fill out some paperwork for me?" The nurse asked kindly.

John hated the idea of being torn away from the both of them even if it was just for a moment. His baby girl looked so helpless as she laid in Anna's arms. Anna didn't look like she was faring much better, still clad in her pajamas and her hair a mess from nearly pulling it out in a panic. "Of course," John replied, before looking to Anna. "You'll be alright?"

She nodded and gave him a small smile to ease his worries. "We'll be fine." John kissed her forehead, then Maisy's and left with the nurse.

Anna couldn't take her eyes off of her baby girl as Maisy's eyes grew heavy and eventually closed.

* * *

><p>When John returned to the room he overheard Anna speaking to Maisy. "You gave Mummy and Daddy quite a fright, little darling," Anna spoke softly as she ran her index finger along Maisy's chubby little cheek. "Let's not do that again, alright? We waited for you for too long to lose you, my sweet Maisy May." Anna brushed her daughter's brown curls away from her face, and brought her up so she could kiss her forehead gently. She still felt warm and was wheezing when she breathed, but it was certainly better than before and for that Anna was thankful.<p>

John kneeled down beside the rocker that Anna and Maisy were settled in and watched as their daughter slept peacefully. He noticed Anna was visibly shaking and laid his hand on top of hers. The contact brought Anna back to reality and she broke down and apologized. "I'm sorry. I know you were doing everything you could to get her here. I know you don't want to lose her anymore than I do. I was just so scared."

"It's alright. I know you were. I was too...I still am," John replied as he rubbed at his eyes. "Good Lord, is this the kind of excitement we can expect for the rest of our lives?"

"I'm afraid so," Anna replied before she kissed each of Maisy's tiny fingers. The memory of their daughter being unable to breath and staring back at her with pleading eyes was something Anna wouldn't be able to shake for some time.

"I'm sorry, I should have been more patient with you," he replied.

"You don't have to apologize. You got us here as quickly as you could and we couldn't be in better hands. She may not be out of the woods yet, but she will be," Anna answered back.

John leaned forward and kissed his wife followed by their daughter.

Not long after that, the doctor came in to check on Maisy and speak to John and Anna about her condition. He told them that judging by the nature of her symptoms, the sound of her cough, and her inability to breath; be believed Maisy had Croup, and gave them a list of things to do to ease her discomfort as well as some prescriptions to help her. He assured them that this was not uncommon in infants her age, and that it would pass soon. He sent them home with a breathing machine, and some medicine samples to get them through until they could get everything sorted.

Needless to say John and Anna kept close vigil on Maisy for the next few days. John brought out her old bassinet to put beside their bed to have her close when she had a coughing spell. They also both took turns sitting in the bathroom floor with her as the hot shower filled the room with steam, helping to ease her suffering.

Anna knew it killed John to have to go into work, but she assured him that they were fine. The medicine and hot showers were doing wonders for Maisy and within a week she was worlds better. Anna knew that sickness was part of life, but she would greatly appreciate never having to see the likes of Croup ever again….and she felt pretty sure as Maisy looked at her with a rather pitiful face one evening in the steamy bathroom, that she felt the same way.

* * *

><p>John, Anna, and Maisy successfully made it through Croup, and Maisy continued to grow and flourish before their eyes. She was six months old when John suggested that he and Anna go out on a date.<p>

"Mary and Matthew offered to babysit for us, I think it would be nice to get out for a few hours...just the two of us." John smiled brightly, but he noticed Anna's hesitancy.

When she didn't offer much of a response, John sighed and approached her from behind. Wrapping his arms around her as she stirred the spaghetti sauce on the stove. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he couldn't resist the temptation of kissing a trail down her neck. He felt a bit of triumph when she dropped the spoon and held his arms tightly to her, sighing as she leaned her head to the side giving him more access.

Anna turned them so they were looking at their daughter, who was playing in her bouncy seat that Anna had positioned in the kitchen.

"You think she'll be alright without us?" John could hear the sadness in her voice, and had to bite back a giggle.

"Love, we're not leaving her to go on a six month African Safari. It's just dinner, and Mary and Matthew are wonderful. She'll enjoy getting to play with George and Izzy as well." He held his breath as he waited for her answer.

"Alright," she whispered, and John turned her to kiss her firmly on the lips. When he pulled away her smile was bright and he couldn't resist kissing her again. John made his way over to Maisy, and she gurgled and laughed as he stomped around the kitchen towards her.

When he finally made it over to her, Maisy and Anna's laughter filling the room, he picked his baby up and lifted her over his head.

"You hear that, my little peanut? Daddy gets to take Mummy on a date for the first time in 96 years! Isn't that exciting?!" John lowered Maisy down and blew raspberries on her little stomach causing her to laugh even louder.

Anna smiled and rolled her eyes, "It's hardly been 96 years, John Bates." She turned back to stirring and he heard her murmur, "more like 106 years." He laughed again, and kissed Anna before he returned to thoroughly riling up his daughter.

* * *

><p>They chose their evening, and made the arrangements with Mary and Matthew who were thrilled to babysit Maisy for them. Mary teased that it was something they should get used to, seeing as how George and Maisy were destined to be soulmates, and Izzy and Maisy best friends. Anna had been amused by the George and Maisy comment….John less so, which only prompted Anna and Mary to tease him more relentlessly.<p>

"Can we at least get through to her first birthday before we're marrying her off, Anna?" he'd sighed as they stood in the Crawley's sitting room. George and Maisy were already playing on the floor and seemed perfectly content, while little Izzy who was just over a year old was taking a nap after recovering from a cold. George had just had his third birthday, but was very patient as he attempted to show Maisy how to use his toys. However, when everything he handed her just ended up getting shoved in her mouth he did sigh and look to Mary for help.

"Mummy, hers is just chewing dem!" The group of adults laughed at his obvious distress, and Mary moved to pick Maisy up off the floor.

"That's because she's just a baby, my darling." Mary cuddled Maisy close, and then looked to John and Anna. "What are you two still doing here? Go, enjoy your dinner. We'll be fine."

"You're sure?" Anna sighed. "She is teething, so she's been quite cranky. I put her ring in her bag as well as some bottles, and her snuggly, and…"

"Anna, we've been through this," Mary laughed. "She's fine. This isn't our first rodeo, you know."

Matthew and John exchanged playful eye rolls at their wive's bickering, and John wrapped his arm around Anna gently.

"Love, we're going to be late. They have things under control and we're only a phone call away. Let's go."

"Ok, ok." Anna and John took turns kissing Maisy goodbye.

"Be good, peanut." John said before tickling her little belly.

"Call us if you need anything." Anna called back as they walked out the door.

They looked back to see Mary and Maisy waving from the doorway, before going inside and closing it. John got Anna settled in the passenger seat before walking around to the driver's side. When he got in the car he noticed she was already spinning her phone in her hands anxiously. He reached over and took her hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on her palm.

"Calm down. Let's enjoy our evening. Maisy couldn't be in better hands Anna, you know that as well as I do." He breathed a sigh of relief when Anna look at him and smiled back.

"You're right, I'm being silly. It's just I've never been away from her, even for a moment since she was born. I guess I'm just having some separation anxiety."

"It's not silly at all, it's perfectly normal darling. Would you feel better if we scrapped tonight and went in and got her?" She could tell that John was serious, but she also knew that they would never hear the end of it from Mary….and they did deserve a night to themselves.

"No, let's go." Anna leaned over and kissed him, and they were on their way.

* * *

><p>John had booked them at a very nice restaurant that was rather new so they hadn't been there yet. Anna noted that the staff was a tad bit uppity, but that didn't stop them from enjoying the food. Conversation flowed well between them, as it always had, but it wasn't long before Anna realized that their subjects of conversation, which used to revolve around them, now revolved around one tiny little person who they'd left with their best friends. Anna talked about some of the funny things Maisy had done that week, and John listened with rapt attention before telling some silly tales of his own.<p>

Anna supposed there was nothing wrong with their daughter being the center of their dinner discussion…before their lives had been each other, and now their lives were Maisy. The thought made Anna's heart swell with love for both John and their daughter.

Anna was sipping on her glass of wine waiting for their main course when she thought she felt her phone buzz. She nearly knocked her purse across the room trying to retrieve it, but when she did there was nothing on the screen. She stared at her phone, and checked it a few more times, but then looked up to see her husband smirking at her from the top of his glass.

"What?" she moaned. "I just want to have it handy in case we're needed, that's all."

"Mhmm." John muttered.

"Don't make fun of me, John Bates."

"Oh, I'm not…I just want you to relax Anna," John reached across the table and held out his hand until she placed her own in his. "Have I told you how stunning you look tonight?" He gave her his most eye-crinkling smile; the kind that made her insides turn into knots. She could feel a blush creeping up her neck, but they were interrupted by the arrival of their dinner.

The food was divine, and they continued on with their playful flirting throughout. Anna tried not to look at her phone, but the temptation proved too much from time to time. Finally, after their dinner plates were taken and their dessert order put in Anna excused herself to visit the ladies room.

She attempted to call Mary a few times but the line was busy. Anna sighed, knowing she couldn't stay gone too long or John would worry. She finally stored her phone in her bag and made her way back. What she saw when she neared their table caught her slightly off guard. The waitress was hunched over the table looking at something on her husband's phone. Anna smiled politley when she reached them and the waitress looked up at her with a grin.

"I was just admiring your beautiful daughter. You two are very lucky."

Anna looked at John who appeared rather sheepish. "Yes, yes we are...thank you."

The waitress nodded, "Your desserts will be out soon."

When she was out of earshot, Anna caught her husband's gaze. "Showing a waitress pictures of your daughter, eh? Should I be jealous?" Anna's tone was playful, but John still gave her a reprimanding look.

"Never, I was….er, looking at my phone and she noticed a picture of Maisy and complimented us on what a gorgeous baby we have."

"Well, she'd be right there." Anna winked, and they both laughed together as their cakes finally arrived and they enjoyed the rest of their date.

* * *

><p>Anna and John both had thoroughly enjoyed the evening, but they were both anxious to be reunited with Maisy. Anna giggled as she had to tell John a few times to slow down as they drove to Matthew and Mary's.<p>

"You're the one who was glued to your phone all evening, and now you want me to slow down?" John teased.

"You know, John Bates, if you keep this up you'll be making up the couch when we get home." Anna teased right back. Both of them knew there was no way that would ever happen.

"Alright, alright." John played along.

They finally reached the house, and quickly made their way up towards the front door. When Mary opened it up she immediately put her finger to her mouth telling them to keep quiet. She led them into the sitting room where they saw George and Maisy cuddled up on the floor together sound asleep. Anna's heart leaped at the adorable sight, and she looked to John with a smile.

Mary then led them into the kitchen where there were hot cups of tea waiting for them.

"Matthew asked that you forgive him, he has to be up early in the morning to help Papa with estate business so he went off to bed a while ago."

"No worries," Anna said as she took the offered cup from Mary. "How was she?"

"I don't know why you're asking," Mary said with an eye-roll. "We didn't get to do much of anything since I couldn't keep either of you off the phone for more than 10 seconds."

Anna and John looked at each other with accusatory glares, but Anna was the first to speak. "John Bates, you teased me all night and you were calling too?"

"Oh he was worse than you were." Mary said, laughing as she added fuel to the fire.

John's face flushed, and he looked at Anna with a guilty smile.

"I guess I'm just better at hiding it."

The three of them broke out into a fit of laughter after that.

"I'm sorry, Mary," Anna finally said. "I guess we just aren't ready to let her go."

Mary's eyes turned sympathetic then. "You never are. I remember the first time we left George with Mama and Papa...we were probably worse than you two. Even now, he's three years old, and I still have difficulty leaving him. It's the price you pay for being a parent; allowing your heart to walk around outside of your body."

John and Anna's eyes were wide. Mary wasn't exactly one to show much emotion...ever. She finally looked up at them, and realized what she'd said. "Golly, what's in this tea?" She joked, but Anna knew her best friend and she could tell she'd meant every word of what she said.

"We better get going." John said quietly. "Thank you so much Mary, we really did enjoy ourselves."

"Yes we did," Anna chimed in, "and thank Matthew for us too."

"You are both quite welcome. She was a joy, and her and George had a blast together. Obviously, they wore each other out."

They were all smiles as they made their way back to the sitting room, and John carefully picked Maisy up off the floor. She moved around a bit, but sighed as she settled herself into her Daddy's shoulder and fell back asleep.

They said their final, quiet goodbyes and thank you's and set off for home; their sweet Maisy sleeping soundly in the backseat.

* * *

><p>Maisy continued to grow much too quickly for John and Anna's liking. She was pushing herself up and crawling by the time she was about seven months old, which opened up a whole new realm of possibilities in her tiny little world...and caused a lot of hassle for her parents. She was a "curious little peanut," as John would playfully say whenever he found her hiding in an open bottom cabinet in their entertainment center or sitting in a pile of torn up magazines from the coffee table. It seemed that every day brought forth a new adventure or memory to add to their collection. John was sorry he was missing so much of it while he was stuck at work but Anna kept him apprised to all of Maisy's conquests via text and email.<p>

One afternoon while Maisy was being less than cooperative from a horrible teething phase, Anna was at her wit's end. She'd set Maisy down only to have her cry to be picked up and vice versa. Anna couldn't get anything done around the house and was practically begging her daughter to stop crying. "Please sweetheart, I don't know what more to do: I've changed you, bathed you, and fed you." Anna sent up prayers to anyone that was listening to send her a sign of how to soothe Maisy. Maisy simply continued to cry as she rubbed her eyes with her chubby little fists.

Perhaps she was just missing John. He seemed to have a way of walking in the door and magically ceasing the tears that fell down her face. It was frustrating at times, because she spent all day with Maisy and yet sometimes it seemed like only John could make her smile.

Suddenly, Anna had an idea and walked Maisy into their bedroom and propped her up against a pillow on she and John's bed. Anna found the video camera and plugged it into the television and let the last thing they had on the video card play. It was a video of John playing peek-a-boo with Maisy. Their baby immediately stopped crying at the sound of John's voice, her head turning in the direction of the television screen. She began to crawl closer and smiled, her tiny hand point towards the screen as she made some pleasant grunt to indicate it was John.

"Is that all you wanted my little one?"

Maisy gave her Mummy a gummy smile.

Anna was glad to gain a moment of relief and see that the distraction had worked on their baby girl. "Come to me my darling, let's watch Daddy until he comes home," Anna instructed her daughter. Maisy began to lay across Anna's chest, as her mother scratched her back gently. The scene that played out on the screen was one of when Anna and John had taken Maisy to the zoo. She was probably too little to remember it but it had been a nice outing with the Crawley family and their gaggle of grandchildren. Anna was just about to fall asleep from exhaustion when Maisy said, "Mama."

Anna's eyes shot open instantly and looked at her daughter, "What did you say?"

Maisy stared back at Anna with wide eyes.

"Maisy, say it again. Can you say 'Mama'?"

Maisy clammed up and looked back at the screen. When she and Anna were feeding the pigs at the zoo and Anna waved back from the screen Maisy said, "Mama." It was clear as a bell and after that she couldn't stop saying it when she saw how excited Anna became at her new found vocabulary.

"Oh, you did say it. My sweetheart, you're getting so big and smart," Anna said as she fawned over Maisy. Hearing that one word had suddenly made all the stresses of that day melt away. "Wait until your Daddy finds out. He's going to be so proud of you," Anna said as she pressed a kiss into her baby girl's hair.

* * *

><p>John arrived home from work and was particularly excited after having gotten a text message from Anna that she had a surprise from him. "Hello? Where are you girls?" John asked as he walked into the living room.<p>

"We're back here!" Anna replied.

"There you are," John said when he found them in the bathroom. Anna was giving Maisy a bath and washing their baby's hair. Maisy recognized his voice and made her all too familiar grunt to greet him. "Good evening, peanut. And how are we today?" John asked as he dropped a kiss into Anna's hair. He loosened his tie and took it off to sit by the edge of the tub and help however he could.

"We are great," Anna answered back. "Someone said her first word today," she added with a giddy smirk.

"She did? What did she say?"

"What do you think?"

"For her sake I hope it was your name," John chided her.

"It was," Anna replied.

"That's amazing! Can she do it again?"

"Ask her yourself?" Anna said playfully.

"Maisy, who is this?" John asked as he pointed to Anna.

"Mama," Maisy said casually as if she had been talking all along.

"You did say it," John said cheerfully. He was so excited he picked her up from the little bathing chair she was seated in and smashed his lips against her cheeks. "Oh Maisy, you have no idea how happy you have made your Daddy. I only wish I'd been here to see it," John said with a tinge of sadness.

"Well, maybe you'll get to hear her say your name for the first time," Anna said trying to cheer him up.

"Say, that's true. Maisy, can you say 'Dada'?" he asked. Maisy only responded with her usual signature sound she reserved for John before blowing a raspberry his way.

"Sounds like 'Dada' to me," Anna teased. "Don't be so discouraged darling. She'll say it eventually."

For the remainder of the night that's all Anna could hear was John trying to get Maisy to say, 'Dada'. While she did wish Maisy had been able to indulge him, a part of her was happy to know Maisy had said 'Mama' first. Thankfully their daughter didn't hold out for long, a few days later she had called John, 'Dada'. Anna didn't think it was possible for him to be any prouder of their daughter, but not for the first time in her life was she proven wrong. She always knew John had it in him to be a great father and seeing him interact with their daughter was all the proof she needed.

* * *

><p>"Alright then my little peanut, stay still for Daddy so I can get you on camera for your first birthday," John instructed. Maisy had other plans though as she kept crawling off the spot John had left her in pursuit of some new adventure no doubt. She certainly kept them on her toes and was a little firecracker, always curious and always on the go. John teased Anna, there was no doubt in his mind that Maisy was her daughter. And though she wasn't a fluent speaker yet, she demanded to be heard. But neither he nor Anna could have asked for a more well behaved baby. She was the sun in their little world; everything revolved around her.<p>

"Maisy, my love, don't you want your picture taken?" John asked as if she would respond back to him eagerly. And so she did, with arms flailing about similar to his own as he spoke, and kicked her legs with glee. A high pitch squeal soon followed and John dabbed at her mouth that was drooling profusely, the tiny little teeth that Maisy had been cutting the past few months stood out prominently with every grin she shot him.

John set the camera down and tried putting her in her bouncer instead, but within seconds of setting her down she tried to roll herself over and out of the chair. He walked over to her once more to put her back in place and combed her chestnut curls back with his fingertips and smoothed her yellow dress out once more. "Maisy, Daddy just wants one picture of you for his desk at work. Can you please stay put for a moment and give Daddy a smile?"

"No," Maisy replied with a shake of the head. It was her new favorite word and the moment she learned it John and Anna knew they would have their work cut out for them. John let his head fall in defeat.

Anna chuckled to herself from across the room, knowing full well that John had more than enough photos of Maisy on his desk at work.

Maisy gave him a broad smile, "That's my girl." As soon as John got the lens in focus Maisy held her hands up towards him, signaling she wanted to be held. John gave in and picked her up, but when her cries didn't cease he quickly saw the source of her frustration. John looked down at his shirt and noticed his sunglasses hanging from the "v" of his shirt collar and realized exactly what it was his daughter was eyeing. John handed them over to her without hesitation, finding it just as hard to deny his daughter as it was his wife.

Anna's voice interrupted the father-daughter moment, "You've been pleading with her for weeks to start standing and walking. Now you want her to sit still? You can't have it both ways, John Bates."

John rolled his eyes at his wife's playful teasing. "Well, if she won't sit still for me, maybe you can hold her. I wouldn't mind a photo of both of my girls."

"John, I look horrible. I've been baking all day trying to get ready for the party and I haven't had a chance to change yet," Anna argued.

"Nonsense. You look perfect," John replied. "Doesn't she, Maisy?" John asked his baby girl as he lifted her above his head and rubbed his nose against her small belly. Maisy laughed in response as she clapped her hands together. John brought her back down and handed her over to Anna, "There, you see? You can't argue with that logic."

"Well, I don't imagine she'll be doing any better with me now that you've riled her up," Anna quipped. But she sat on the couch and held Maisy without any further argument. Anna had made a mental note to herself to not get so caught up in creating the perfect birthday that she didn't stop to take notice of how happy their baby was on this special day. "Come, on darling, let's give your Daddy a smile shall we?" Anna asked. She waggled her finger across Maisy's lips and sure enough a smile erupted across her face. Anna look over at John when she noticed he wasn't taking any pictures, "John? Aren't you going to snap a photo?"

John found himself entranced by the sight of his wife with their baby girl, as he so often did. Anna was fulfilling the role she was born to play to perfection. He couldn't have picked out a better mother to their daughter. Sitting in on a moment between Anna and Maisy was like his own personal paradise. John couldn't think of anything more rewarding than to come home and catch a glimpse of Anna nursing their daughter, singing to her as she rocked her slowly in the room they had painted together for Maisy. The last year had flown by so quickly and he was glad that Anna was able to be a stay-at-home mom and dote on Maisy the way she deserved to be. It seemed that almost every day he came home Maisy had changed in some way or learned to do something new and it would never fail to take his breath away. He was only sorry he wasn't able to stay at home with Anna. "Sorry," John apologized as he began to refocus the lens. "It's just she's grown so much and you both look so happy."

Anna hadn't realized it until she felt the small trickle of tears at the corner of her eyes begin to fall that she was crying. She looked at her daughter and paused to really take it all in. The changes were harder to notice when she spent every single moment of every day with Maisy, but their daughter had grown. Maisy's dark hair was long enough now for them to put ribbons in it and her eyes had turned a deeper blue recently. Anna couldn't pick her up with as much ease as before and Maisy was already showing signs of her budding independent nature. One thing was for certain, Maisy loved both her parents just as much as they loved her, and that's really all Anna could have asked for; to have a happy, healthy, little girl. "It's all going by so fast, I wish I could keep her this little forever," Anna sighed.

John felt an ache in his heart, wishing he could have given Anna more children. Not that they weren't grateful for Maisy of course, but they would have loved to give their daughter a sibling. John took the opportunity to snap a photo as Anna kissed their daughter, her eyes filled with happy tears. He checked the preview screen, "Gorgeous."

Anna smiled back at him, "I should change before everyone gets here. We need to do the cake before she gets cranky and needs her nap."

* * *

><p>Maisy's birthday party couldn't have gone more swimmingly; the weather was perfect, their closest friends and family showed up, and Maisy managed to stay awake long enough to experience her first birthday cake. John returned from taking the last of the trash out and found Anna washing the last of the dishes. He came over to help her put the dishes from the drying rack away and stopped behind her to place open mouthed kisses down her neck. "It's awfully quiet," John noted.<p>

"Maisy is down for the count. Our little night owl didn't even put up a fight as I put her pajamas on," Anna commented.

"The house to ourselves, the baby is sleeping...do you see where I'm going with this?" he asked.

Anna stopped and turned around to settle in his arms, "Yes, we should bust out with that birthday cake and watch the video from the camera." John looked at his wife somewhat perplexed until she burst into a fit of giggles, "John, I'm kidding. Well, sort of, let's watch the video and then we can head to the bedroom."

She began to walk into the living room and John asked, "So you weren't serious about the cake then?" John headed over to the television set and hooked up the camera so they could catch some of the highlights from the day. Robert had been kind enough to volunteer as the camera man so that Anna and John could spend the day making memories with their daughter rather than filming them. He came over to the couch to sit beside Anna as she snuggled up against his chest.

When they got to the part when Maisy was supposed to blow out her candles John looked over to see Anna with tears in her eyes. Tom had stepped in and blew out the candle using a party horn and the sound had startled Maisy but eventually caused her to laugh. They marvelled as they were reminded of how their daughter slowly introduced herself to chocolate cake for the first time. Even going so far as to say "yum" as she sunk her teeth into the first bite, her eyes growing as wide as saucers. Maisy had taken her time to mash her fists into the frosting before proceeding to lather herself up in it. "That will be a great picture later," Anna commented. She laughed when the bit came up on the screen how Maisy tried to kiss John with her frosting covered face.

"It will. I can't believe she's one already." John mused. "I only wish I could have given you more."

"More?"

"More children," he said.

Anna pursed her lips together and shook her head back and forth. "Why would I want more when I have Maisy? John, you have made me happier than I could have ever hoped to be. I love you both with all my heart. And there will be plenty more memories and milestones to fill our walls, photo albums, and hearts." She tilted her head back to look up at John and kissed him languidly as she ran her tongue across his lips. Anna stopped long enough to turn off the television and stood up to help John up. "Come on, we should take advantage of our night off."

John and Anna were just a few feet short of their bedroom when they stopped to poke their head into Maisy's room and listen in on the gentle snores coming from their daughter. The chance to watch their baby sleep peacefully was far too tempting; they snuck up to the edge of her crib quietly and Anna tucked the blanket a little tighter around Maisy. John stooped down to place a kiss on their baby's head. It was hard to believe that two years ago they had begun to resign themselves to thinking it would always be just the two of them.

Anna leaned her head on John's shoulder and squeezed his arm.

John pressed a kiss into Anna's hair and whispered, "You know, I know you told me that when she was here it wouldn't matter what we had to go through to have her. But it does matter, and I'll never forget a second of it."

Anna stopped to observe their baby as she made a sucking motion with her lips in her sleep. A small twitch of her cheek making it appear as if Maisy was smiling. She must be having a good dream, Anna thought to herself. "We've been through a lot; just you and I, and the three of us as a family. But the point is we're a family, and we'll always have each other," Anna whispered into the darkness.

John could do nothing more than embrace his wife and hold her closer to his heart for a little while longer, before the two of them retreated to their own bedroom.


	7. Epilogue

_**A/N: Well, here we are at the end folks! This was actually where this journey began for us. I (lady) wrote the beginning of this epilogue as a birthday present for Downtonluvr, based on a photo she sent me which is now the cover photo for the story. She read it, and we decided to expand it into a full fic. :)**_

_**Again, thank you all so so much for the reviews! We have had a blast writing this together, and I feel pretty confident that you haven't seen the last of us as a writing duo ;) **_

_**Hope you enjoy this epilogue! Please review, you know how we love to hear from you! xo**_

_**Disclaimer: Same as Ch 1-6**_

* * *

><p>"Anna!" John called to his wife from their bedroom. He was standing in front of the mirror completely stumped. Holding up one tie, and then another. How on earth was he supposed to choose? He couldn't just pick any old tie, this was important and he had to look his very best.<p>

"Anna!" he called again, and then heard her footsteps coming down the hall.

"What on earth?" she said rounding the corner with a dishrag thrown over her shoulder. "What? What's wrong?"

He held up the ties, and watched as she rolled her eyes at him and smiled. "Which of these looks better with this shirt?" he asked.

"You can't be serious."

He just looked back her waiting for her answer. She sighed deeply and approached him taking the ties from his hand, throwing one on the bed, and tying a blue paisley one around his neck. She fastened the tie with an expert hand, adjusted his collar, and then patted his chest.

"There. All better?" Anna smirked as she smoothed it in place.

"Yes, thank you love." He kissed her lips quickly, grabbed his suit jacket, and then made his way out of their room.

"It's just a tea party, you know." Anna called after him, to which he turned in the doorway and replied with a smile.

"No, it's not _just_ a tea party."

* * *

><p>John knocked on the flower sticker covered bedroom door, and waited to hear the small voice welcome him in. When he opened the door to the bedroom the first thing he noticed were the many flower pictures taped haphazardly to every surface of every wall. Princess accessories were strewn about the floor, and in the corner at a small table set for afternoon tea was his beautiful five year old daughter, Maisy. She was dressed in her Sunday best, with the addition of a crown on top of her head.<p>

John bowed gracefully. "Good afternoon, my lady. Might I join you for tea?"

Maisy's tiny giggle filled the room warming his heart and casting a smile across his face.

"Yes, Daddy! I saved a seat just for you." The other two chairs were occupied by her teddy bears. John did his best to sit in the chair that was much too small for him, and he somehow managed it. When he finally sat he looked over at his baby girl. Maisy was the spitting image of her mother with the exception of her dark brown hair. She had Anna's deep blue eyes, facial features, and her personality through and through. She had been such a blessing to them after years of trying and failing to conceive, and then the heartache of failed fertility treatments. Maisy was the greatest joy of their lives, and neither John nor Anna took a single moment with her for granted.

"Would you like some tea, good sir?" Maisy's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"But of course, thank you." He watched as she poured water into his cup and looked at her.

"I tried to get Mummy to give me real tea, but she said no after last time." Her voice sounded so dejected and John couldn't help but giggle. He remembered well the day she'd soaked her rug through with the tea Anna had made her.

"This will do just fine Lady Maisy. Now tell me...how are Mr and Mrs Bear today?" John looked towards her favorite stuffed animals.

With that simple question he was consumed with a good fifteen minutes of stories about what the bears had been up to. His daughter's capacity for imagination never failed to amaze him. Anna insisted it was from all the wild novels he'd read to her while she was in the womb and after she was born. But John insisted she inherited it from her mother. It was an argument they both quite enjoyed having.

He finally caught a break in her stories, and stood up, taking off his suit jacket and throwing it onto her bed. She looked up at him curiously until he held his large hand out for her tiny one.

"Would you care to dance, My Lady?"

Maisy jumped up and took his hand, her face alight with excitement. "Yes, yes! Can I stand on your feet Daddy?"

He nodded, and took her hands as she stood on his feet. He began to hum a song and move about her room, his eyes never leaving her adorable face.

Suddenly, actual music filled the room and they both looked up to see Anna standing in the doorway with her phone held out in front of her. John could see the sheen of tears in her eyes, but her smile told him these were tears of joy, not sadness. He looked down at Maisy.

"Well I do believe this is a proper dance now, let's spin!" John held her hands tighter and began to spin her around in circles through the room. Her tiny body flying out in front of him and her laughter filling the air with delight.

Feeling dizzy, John finally sat her down and they both crashed onto her bed laughing and panting. Maisy recovered quicker than him and began jumping through the room. "Again Daddy! Again!"

Anna laughed, shaking her head, turned off the music and left to go finish dinner.

"Give Daddy a second peanut. I'm not as young as I used to be." He smiled at her. "Come here, how about I tell you a story and then maybe we'll spin some more later."

"Ok!" Maisy hopped up onto the bed beside him, snuggling up against his side. John wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, lovely, kind princess named...Anna."

"Hey, that's Mummy's name." Maisy interrupted.

John chuckled. "I know, want me to keep telling the story?"

She nodded so he went on. "Princess Anna ruled her kingdom with love and fairness, and everyone adored her. Then one day she fell in love with a lowly servant named John. They loved each other so very much, and would do anything to be together."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Maisy?"

"Is this story about you and mummy?"

"No, it's about Princess Anna and John, you silly." He tickled her causing them both to lose themselves in laughter. "Now are you going to let me tell you the whole story or not?"

Maisy acted like she was thinking really hard about her decision. "Does it have an evil dragon?"

"Yes." John said with confidence.

"Do they live happily ever after?"

John smiled, and tapped her little nose with his finger. "Yes they do, and they have a little beautiful princess daughter named Maisy. Imagine that!"

Maisy giggled, and then settled back against John. "Ok you can tell me the rest. I think I'll like this story lots."

John held her close to him, and sighed. "Oh I think you will too peanut. It's the best, most precious story I know."

* * *

><p>John had just shut the door behind him to his daughter's room, leaving it slightly cracked to listen in on her as she weaved an imaginative tale to her stuffed animals. John had to chuckle to himself, wondering where she could have possibly got that from. A smile of pride etched on his face knowing full well that his daughter had inherited that trait from. He stopped to glance at the photos that lined their hallway: ones of family, friends, most prominently Maisy. All of her "firsts" thoroughly documented and then some: her first tooth, her first haircut, and her first friends, George and Izzy. He smiled when he saw that toothless grin staring back at him in a photo of Maisy's first day of preschool. John remembered how he had fought back tears that morning as they dropped her off, Anna didn't even attempt to hold back her own tears. So much so that Maisy had asked John if her Mummy was okay.<p>

There were photos of he and Anna too of course. Their wedding day being one of John's proudest moments; having long given up on the prospect of finding love or even a woman that carried half the traits Anna did many years before. God, she had looked gorgeous that day and she hadn't changed much in the ten years since he had met her. He leaned forward to get a closer look at a picture from their fifth anniversary; a trip to Paris once Anna had felt comfortable enough leaving Maisy for a week's time. Another photo was of a trip to Ireland with Maisy to visit some of John's family where their daughter learned of the existence of sheep and became obsessed with the wool covered creatures.

As he reached the end of the hallway the catfish grin spread a little wider, their most recent family photo. It was taken not long after Maisy's third birthday and only a few weeks after their adoption for their son had been finalized. It hadn't taken John and Anna long to realize after Maisy's first birthday that they wanted another child. Both knowing how hard Anna's pregnancy with Maisy had been on her and the fact that in-vitro treatment hadn't been successful they decided adoption was their best option. The process had been long and arduous, but they had remained patient and knew that if nothing came of it they were more than happy to just remain the three of them. Then suddenly Avery entered their lives. Avery wasn't much bigger than Maisy was when he was born and he hadn't been properly cared for by his parents prior to social services intervening. They had been warned he may have health issues and development issues from lack of contact, but it only made John and Anna want him all the more. Fearing that if they didn't take him no one would. The day they brought him home to meet Maisy for the first time was one of the happiest days of their lives.

Avery Martin Bates was the piece to the puzzle that they hadn't known was missing. His first name was a boy's they had picked long ago when Anna was pregnant with Maisy. His middle name was for Anna's father who had passed a few years before John had met Anna. He had dark hair like John and an olive complexion. Avery had bright brown eyes that would make any girl's heart melt and a lively personality. But Anna's favorite thing about Avery was how much he loved to cuddle. It was just like the early days with Maisy when one big hug or kiss was never enough. And even though she hadn't carried him herself Anna could not have loved him more.

She had worried Maisy would become jealous after solely holding John and Anna's attention for so long. But this never came to pass. In fact, Maisy was overjoyed to find out that she was getting a sibling when they first told her after seeing George and Sybbie with siblings of their own. She could not have been more patient and affectionate with her brother if she tried. Maisy doted on Avery from the start and it never occurred to her why he looked different from the rest of them. When Anna and John overheard a child at school ask Maisy about it their daughter simply responded, "Why does your brother look the same?" Both parents patted themselves on the back, knowing they must have done something right. She was a future diplomat if they ever saw one.

While Anna spent most of the day with their little boy, John had also begun to form his own unique relationship with Avery that Anna cherished watching. The two of them were early risers and most mornings while Maisy climbed into their bed to snuggle with Anna; John and Avery would walk about the garden or work on something around the house. Avery was always close by keeping John company as he gummed a teething ring in his walker. Other times John would simply read the morning paper to their baby; Avery not being too picky about the subject matter but much like his sister, he enjoyed the soothing sound of John's voice. John had even managed to take him to his first football match with Robert, Tom, Matthew and George before Avery was even walking. It may not have been the family they originally imagined but Anna could see the way John's eyes lit up with pride whenever he talked about his son. Not that the same didn't occur when he spoke of Maisy, but it was a distinct look that he reserved only for his little boy.

"John, dinner is almost ready!" Anna called out. "Can you get Maisy for me?"

"She's already on her way," he replied. "Mmmmm, something sure smells good," John said when he walked into the kitchen.

"We're having Sloppy Joes tonight; they're Maisy's favorite and I've been craving them lately," Anna said. "What's Miss Maisy up to?"

"Mademoiselle is changing into something more appropriate for receiving guests in the dining area," he joked. They both shared a laugh and a smile. "I asked her to clean her room before joining us," he explained.

"Thank you. I've between trying to get her to do it all day," Anna replied as she turned the meat over in the frying pan.

John was just about to kiss Anna when a small cry called for their attention. John went over to the playpen in the living room and tickled Avery's belly. "I'm sorry son, are we excluding you from the excitement?"

Avery said a few recognizable words sprinkled in with his babbling. He had taken a few weeks to warm up to them when they first brought him home but John and Anna had never met a happier baby. He placed his hands on John's face and clapped them lightly. "Dada," he squealed before gesturing up at something. Avery had recently acquired a fascination for lights of all sorts.

"What my little love? Talk to Daddy," John encouraged. Avery was a late bloomer when it came to talking, but this suited his mother and father just fine and he would be their last baby. He had come into their life in his own time and they both imagined that everything else for him would follow suit; all in his own time. "What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the words and Daddy will get it for you."

"Moo-n," Avery mimicked his father.

"Yes, that's how you say it my brilliant boy," John praised even though it was just a light.

"The moon?" Anna asked.

"Maybe we've got a future astronaut on our hands," John joked as he kissed Avery's cheeks and set him in his high chair.

"No. No. No. I can't bear for my baby boy to go that far from home. How else will I be able to squeeze those chubby cheeks?" Anna asked before tickling the bottom of Avery's feet. He kicked his legs in response and giggled.

John helped to set the table as he spoke, "You're right. He's probably just obsessed with the lights anyway. Maybe he'll be an electrician."

"He can be whatever he wants to be so long as he's happy," Anna said.

John returned a knowing smile as he began to set out some food for Avery.

"I have a salad in the fridge if you could pull it out and grab the dressing," Anna requested.

"I think I can manage that," he responded. John went to grab the salad when an alarm from the washing machine rang out.

"I'll grab it if you can keep stirring the food. I have to hang Maisy's dress to dry for her school pictures before it wrinkles," Anna said.

"I've got you covered," John replied.

Anna headed out of sight and a phone ring soon followed. "I've got it!" she called back from the other room.

John looked over at Avery, "Are you taking notes little man?" Avery looked at John with wide eyes and licked his lips at the same time. "See, Daddy can handle this. Mummy isn't the only one that knows how to cook."

Maisy came galloping in and threw her arms around John's leg. "Daddy, did Mummy finish cleaning my purple dress, the one with all the shimmers on it? I need it to wear for tomorrow's school pictures. And I'm going to play with George and Izzy after school."

"I think she's working on your dress right now. And what's all this about you gallivanting about town with Master George after school?"

"What's galla-, galla-anting?" she struggled to pronounce the word. A look of confusion on her face.

"Nothing," John said with a chuckle as he shook his head. "Just remind Georgie boy that you're my little girl," he added with a wink.

"Okay," she replied nonchalantly as she climbed into her spot at the table.

John turned the burners down and mixed the meat one last time with the sauce. "Alright, who's ready for dinner?" John asked as he clapped his hands together.

"Me!" Maisy exclaimed.

Anna walked back into the kitchen looking pale as a sheet.

"Anna?" John asked in concern. The phone was still in her hand and she was unable to speak. "What is it sweetheart?"

"That...erm...that was the doctor's office," she said. "They got my lab results back."

"Oh god," he said. John had known she went into the doctor the day before after feeling exhausted and not being able to keep anything down the last few days. "Whatever it is, it's going to be okay," John said trying to remain calm in front of Maisy and Avery.

Anna shook her head in disbelief with tears in her eyes.

"Anna? Please tell me, love, whatever it is," he begged.

"I'm...I'm pregnant," she said. Still finding it difficult to register the doctor's words. Even now as she spoke them herself she was finding it hard to believe.

"What? But we...we can't," he replied.

"We have Maisy," she pointed out.

Maisy looked up at the sound of her name.

He ran his hand along his jaw in confusion. "But it's been nearly six years," he refuted.

"And we haven't used protection," she replied.

"I thought she was a one in a million possibility."

"Then we should probably start playing the lottery."

"I know one thing is for sure, we're definitely using protection from now on. We don't need another surprise sneaking up on us six years from now," John joked. They both shared a laugh and John picked her up and swung her around the room as he kissed every inch of her face. "You're sure?" he asked.

"He's positive. I'm two months gone now," she replied. "You are happy about this?" Anna asked not entirely convinced as to how John was taking the news.

"Happy? No. Happy is not the word for this. Blessed and ecstatic. I'm feeling so many things right now...I need someone to teach me how to do a handstand or something," John replied. "We're having another baby," he said in a low voice.

"Mhmm," Anna said as the tears fell from her eyes.

"And you are feeling alright?"

"Yes, although...I feel like I should tell you something," she said. John froze as he waited for the next bomb to drop. "I would have been happy with just you, you know? Had we never had any of this. I am a very lucky woman to have you in my life, John Bates. You are more than enough. And these two, well three now," Anna corrected herself as she patted her belly. "They were just the icing on the cake."

"We are lucky to have each other," John replied as she kissed her deeply.

"What's going on?" Maisy asked. "Why is Mummy crying?"

They had been so caught up in the surprise that neither John nor Anna had realized that this entire display had taken place in front of their children. They turned to see Maisy had moved to the middle of the kitchen floor with a look of extreme worry across her little face. Her brown curls were tied back in a ponytail, and that combined with her expression made her appear twice her age.

Anna and John looked to each other and smiled.

"Come sit down, peanut." John guided Maisy back to the table where Avery was blissfully unaware and still playing instruments with his fork.

John sat down and Maisy climbed into his lap with Anna seated across from them. Anna took Maisy's hand and kissed it.

"Maisy, we just found out that we're going to have another baby. You're going to be a big sister again."

Their daughter's eyes lit up with sheer excitement and she hopped down from John's lap to jump and clap with joy.

"Really?! A new baby?"

Anna and John laughed as they watched her reaction, and then as Avery caught on to his sister's display he began to clap and cheer as well.

"When can we go get the new baby?"

Anna and John looked at each other with a touch of confusion.

"Get the baby? What are you talking about, love?" Anna asked.

Maisy calmed down enough to explain to her mother and father what she was talking about.

"Well, when Avery came you and Daddy just went to the hospital and got him." The exasperation in her voice, like she just couldn't understand why they didn't get it was quite amusing to them both, and they looked to each other with sudden understanding.

The only experience Maisy had with how babies came into the world was Avery. She'd been too little when Mary had been pregnant with their second child, and Sybil lived too far away for them to see her regularly. In her little mind their adoption of Avery was how the whole system worked.

John was trying to think of a way to explain it to her when Anna chimed in. He watched as the love of his life gathered their baby girl onto her lap and held her tight.

"Maisy, love, when Avery was born things were a little bit different. You see when we had you Mummy carried you in her belly, that's how most babies are born. But after you, Daddy and I didn't think we could have another baby like we had you, so we adopted Avery."

"What does 'dopted mean?" she asked curiously.

"Well, it means that Avery was born to parents that couldn't take care of him...so Daddy and I brought him home to live with us. We love him just as much as we would have if he had grown in Mummy's tummy like you did. It doesn't make him any less a part of our family. Do you understand that, love?"

"I think so. He's still my brother, right?"

"Of course he is peanut," John chimed in.

"Good, I love him being my brother." Maisy smiled, and both John and Anna's heart swelled. "So where is the new baby coming from?"

"The new baby is right here," Anna laid Maisy's hand on her belly. "And he or she is going to grow inside my tummy, and then be here in seven months."

"That's a long time," Maisy sighed. "I think I liked it better when we just went to the hospital and picked the baby up." Anna and John couldn't help but laugh at her innocent perspective on the situation. If only she knew how long the wait for both of their children had been.

"Don't worry, darling, it will go by fast." Anna patted her leg.

"Mummy?"

"Yes, love."

"How did the baby get in your tummy?"

John, who had taken a sip of water from his glass, spit the mouthful clear across the table causing Avery and Maisy both to burst out into a fit of giggles. Anna had to join in with them when she saw the look of horror on her husband's face. The question every parent dreaded.

"That's a question we will answer when you're a little bit older sweetheart," Anna replied diplomatically. "For now, our dinner is getting cold, and we are going to eat and just be excited that we're going to have a new baby in the house." Anna tickled Maisy's sides and she laughed.

"Ok," Maisy hopped down and walked around to her seat at the table. "But I want to name the baby."

"And what will you name him or her, peanut?" John asked as he sat the bread Anna had handed him on the table.

"If it's a girl, Maisy Two….and if it's a boy," she put her finger to her chin as she thought hard about her decision. "Simba!" She smiled with triumph.

Anna laughed as she replied, "We'll make sure to put Simba and Maisy Two on the list, my darling, now eat your dinner."

John and Anna looked at each other as they settled around their table with their two amazing children. Their hands found each other beneath the table, and the look between them said all that needed to be said in that moment. They finally had the family they'd always dreamed of, and nothing could be more perfect than these moments they spent together.


End file.
